the bitterness beneath

23Jun06

“…no wedding Saturday within the month of june”
stevie wonder (1962)

times sure have changed. not only do i have to attend a wedding on saturday, i also have to go on sunday, monday, tuesday and thursday. and let’s not even talk about july. why does everyone have to get married in this heat? and why do people expect other people to follow dress codes? i mean why on earth would i be wearing a black suit at ten thirty pm in a shadi lawn on kashmir road when the temperatures around 31 celsius and humidity is up to 67%?

as abuzar might have said, “shadi mein aye ho kiya?

ok that was a bad joke.

hino is officially underway and i should get at least half my team from monday so i think its safe to say that the pressure is upon us especially since mango appears to be more or less free these days – which means simply that he’ll be drilling holes in my head for the next two months at least. i hope i can tolerate him till then.

as anticipated being in the office is a bore especially since mobeen is in lahore and i havent seen adil around either. being alone at hino these past two days was better – at least i could call fudge, which is always a mood-lifter. even though she’s always dissing me. or maybe because she’s always dissing me. or maybe because no matter how momentary it might be, she provides a distraction, a brief respite from remembrance for all of twenty minutes before the comparisons start. yeah. i always had a hidden agenda in everything. i always had that underlying motive that made all my relationships false, all my emotions farcial, all my relaities unreal. all except you.

you, and you know that you are the only you i ever refer to, the you who was once the “u” in us, were right. i still don’t know myself enough to know what i need. but i know what i want. or wanted. whatever. if life were simple enough to figure out i would be too simple to figure it out. i promised you i’d catch up with you when you get here. but i’m not so sure now. my defences are still way too weak to face you like nothing ever happened. its still happening. and there’s no end in sight.

hasrat, and boy can i associate with that takhallus said

nahin aati to un ki yaad maheenon tak nahi aati
magar jub yaad aatey hain to aksar yaad aatay hain

what bullcrap. how can i forget even for a second what you meant to me?

mean to me.

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2 Responses to “the bitterness beneath”

  1. posting… sooon! busy with exams and stuff!

  2. urrrrggghh…weddings! Altho i love u guys v much..my trip will be wasted in hot hot weddings. seriously dude y is there a need 2 have evry son nd daughter married in july..in the heat???? Crazy ppl!


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