choice

07Aug06

kabhi kabhi yaad mein ubharate hain naqsh-e-maazi mitay mitay se
woh azmaish si dil-o-nazar ki, woh qurabatein si, woh faasalay se

kabhi arzoo ke sehra mein aake ruktay hain qaafilay se
woh sari baatein lagaao ki si, woh saray unvaan visaal ke se

nigah-o-dil ko qaraar kaisa? nishat-o-gham mein kami kahan ki?
woh jab milay hain to un se har baar ki hai ulfat naye siray se

faiz ahmed faiz

“You see missing you is a choice, not a compulsion, unlike life which is vice versa. I’d rather miss you and feel like a total loser who knows he got played because in believing that I also have to believe that for a sufficiently long period of time I was allowed to love like the books and the movies and the dreams that poets weave. And somehow, knowing that I miss you now because I want to as opposed to taking a dump when I have to gives me this surreal sense of purpose that has absolutely no real merit but it is my choice. MINE. You would want otherwise, I know. You practice otherwise, everyone I know wants me to stop this shit. It’s the mothafucking remix, huh Moody?. This isn’t what I’m supposed to do. But the teenage rebel in me is still breathing and he won’t let me succumb in this matter like I have had to in pretty much everything else.”

sajjad in this awesome post.

the irony of the silent by choice. others sing his song with far greater passion than he ever could. would. whatever.

that of course is the reason why he doesn’t jump. the reason why he never learned to swim, not because he was afraid he’d drown but because he was afraid he wouldn’t. because to move on would be the lesser thing. and the only thing to hold on to is the one thing that should have been left behind.

but he always defined his own should haves. catch 22.

it’s a deadlock then isn’t it yaar? whoever she was, she’s gone. you’ve got to move on. tujh par iddat wajib bhi hoti to guzar gaii! ji lay yaar

yeah

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5 Responses to “choice”

  1. Sorry for the late reply – haven’t used this thing in ages. Nice blog you’ve got going here. 🙂

  2. thanks 🙂

  3. 3 s

    i think everyone has their own idea of what the appropriate mourning period is. when someone marries a week after their divorce, we crib that they did not show any respect to their last relationship, to their ex. we stand on the sidelines, scadalized but loving the show cause we have something to gossip about. and then when one choose to mourn a lost love for one, two, three four years, we shake our head disapprovingly, wishing he’d just get on with life, cause ‘there’s more than one fish in the sea, mate!’

    i really don’t know what the right timeframe is; i think we all define it for ourselves. and if sajjad chooses to mourn for eternity, i choose to admire him for it (and wish i could meet the girl who inspires such love and writing!)…secretly, you KNOW we’d all love to be loved like that.

  4. 4 s

    p.s: ended up writing a post, based on what you said in yours – hope that’s okay.

  5. of course it’s ok 🙂

    oh by the way all the “he”s in the post weren’t sajjad if you follow my gist. sometimes a guy looks better to himself in the abstract or less bad so to speak but to cut a long, poorly structured sentence short – i was referring to myself.


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