with innoculation comes immunization. yeah right.


i remember when the boredom that comes from an overweight man’s tired voice lecturing about something a guy already knew could be alleviated by a single glance outside the classroom door. my spectacled eyes saw nothing much – just recognized the euphoria that came from being smiled back at by you.

now there’s nothing to see and those half smiles and longer-than-necessary inhalations and angled turns of a pretty little head don’t belong to me any more.

i have, on my table, a faded picture of my cousin and i taken around fourteen years ago. it reminds me of summers, both dusty and rainy, long afternoon walks and tape ball cricket, of covert break ins into my uncle’s room and excited handling of unloaded pistols and reading of his crappy romantic poetry, of whole happy lonesome morning spent playing on the stairs in my grandmother’s house. that’s a nice kind of memory, filled as it is with sepia shades of all things happy and distant echoes of childish laughter.

but that’s not what i’d choose to recall even if i had any say in my sequence of memories.

instead my dreams are filled with seven year old flashbacks of college stairways and wooden benches and times spent on and around them. an unending sea of what ifs and if onlys. i live in the aftermath of ego’s follies’ war on romance. in the chernobyl that must be left contaminated. in the ruins of a relaionship that ended with a “should we?” and an “i don’t think so”.

i’ll get over it someday i’m sure. but right now i’m just too depressed to call. and you can’t help me on this one.

ghalib hamein na chhair ke phir josh-e-ashq se
baithay hain hum tahiyya-e-toofan kiye huay

“why?” she asked.

why indeed.


8 Responses to “with innoculation comes immunization. yeah right.”

  1. funny entry nd memories hahah..u havnt been postin 4 a while…keep comin bak

  2. atleast its not :
    dil dhoondta hei phir wohi fursat ke raat din!
    being busy probably puts what-ifs and if-onlys onto the back seat…maybe.*just* maybe!!!

  3. aahh! the trip down memory lane……

  4. okay – I see 2 lines in a language that I haven’t studied – can I have a translation pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaase?

  5. sammy the language is urdu.

    the two lines are a couplet by this poet named mirza ghalib, our version of keats, shelly, milton and chaucer all rolled into one. you might want to look him up on wikipedia.

    attempting a translation is way beyond my capabilities but i’ll try and give you the literal meaning…

    “ghalib, don’t bother me because the passion of my tears
    has me sitting here with the intention of raising a storm”

    that sounds pathetic in english, partly due to the fact that that is as crappy a translation as is possible and secondly english is not exactly a language of high flown passion. what the guy is saying in this couplet is simply that if he is provoked he’s going to break down and, in the words of timberlake, “cry me a river”.

    urdu is worth learning just for the poetry.

  6. No, I get it.

    As for learning urdu, I’m sure it is, but I have studied 4 foreign languages in my lifetime and am exhausted. Besides that – I can hardly remember my English at times let alone the other languages – although my knowledge of French did earn me brownie points with the Parisians (which blew me away as I always heard that they were rude to non natives) this summer.

    Okay – so, now this post has this sadness to it, but a romantic sadness – I forget what that is called.

  7. zabt laazim hai magar dukh hai qayaamat kaa ‘Faraz’
    zaalim ab ke bhii na royegaa to mar jaayegaa

  8. college days are the days you never forget.

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