i am haunted by the ghost of chameleon roadkill


when i was thirteen a chameleon invaded the boundary wall of my castle. where it came from noone knows. or frankly cares. it was the only instance of chameleon invasion i can recall. squirrels came regularly till about the time i reached puberty – though i’m sure there has to be a better reason for squirrels disappearing, after all this is karachi not quetta, but it is a coincidence. and as usual i’ve been sidetracked by the unseemly frustrated hormonal stereotype of an auditor.

anyways this chameleon was witnessed several times for two days among the crotons and kanghi palms and cacti and raat ki rani around the boundary wall before i accidentally (though not unthankfully) murdered it when backing the car out of the driveway. death by datsun. i used to think that the lizards of the world, particularly the chameleons would be shaking their heads in disgrace. it must have been like getting stuck on the wrong side of the river styx for chamyl or leon or emilio or whatever the darn thing was called.

and so, banished from the reptilian hall of heroes as it is, the ghost of chamyl walks with me waiting for me to descend into the world of hades myself. when the gecko that embarassed me by walking on my hand and making me scream in front of a bunch of snickering college girls disappeared in the bushes, i knew it was actually the ghost of chamyl. when i nearly killed myself swerving to avoid a cat that nobody else seemed to see i knew it was an apparition raised by chamyl. all the cockroaches and lizards and bees and dragonflies that have entered my life since then have been sympathizers of chamyl seeking vengeance.

and time, the great healer, has made me immune. the sight of a cockroach now is more likely to send me looking for a slipper to quash it with than to send me into a fright-induced coma. but chamyl grows wiser as i grow stronger. and so a new strategy has been introduced. chamyl now takes over the spirit of people i interact with. people who the discrepancies in cosmic balance have placed at a level superior to my own. people, in short, who shovel the shit i have to take. and that is why the knowledge that a sweet and sugary (or the closest thing that a freaky moronic memon male can get to that) mangoo is actually filling demigod’s ears with crap about me comes as no surprise. dang did i say demigod? i meant partner.

office gossip has it that this change of colours is nothing new. when you work with mangoo, people say, you start the game with nine wickets down and shahid afridi as your batting partner. i cant put it any better. but apart from the random murder of a few dozen insects, lots of lies, plenty of backstabbing, “padding” of a few bills and the occasional unrecorded toil (time off in lieu), and missing of a high percentage of non-ramadan prayers, the sin ledger is pretty low. nothing to merit this kind of torture.

so as i spend another random hour in wait of the idiot who is supposed to call me to his desk to review my work i hear a wierd tick-tick kind of noise from air conditioning vent. maybe its in agony, feeling the stress of having to cool off another mangoo induced temper. or maybe tick-tick is what you hear when ghosts of chameleons laugh.

oh, how i hate him.


4 Responses to “i am haunted by the ghost of chameleon roadkill”

  1. hahaha thaz hilarious!

  2. hehehe. 😉
    chamyl or emilio or leon can RIP in now!

  3. Ive seen your comments a couple times on my blog but I’ve never visited your page before…and how sorry I was today that I hadnt! THe casual narrative about Chamyl was highly absoring! =)
    good luck with the partner though!
    can’t read the rest abhi…but I’ll definitely be stopping by more often.

  4. I’m splitting my sides here. And considering I’m sitting in my office, that is NOT a good thing. 😀

    P.S: Thanks for stopping by the ole blog.

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