“in the tibetan philosophy, sylvia plath sense of the word, i know we’re all dying.”

19Oct06

i have this versace teeshirt which i bought in the summer of ’99. its grey, with some italian gibberish on the front which starts of with the heading, “certificato di autentcia”; certficate of authenticity i presume. the writing is all faded now so i only ever wear it when i’m going to sleep or when i’m just lounging about at home. a friend for seven years, its adapted to the changing contours (ever-inflating?)of my body in a way that nothing else can provide me as much comfort.

except maybe for the sound of a voice saying “hi” behind me as casually as if it were just another day six and a half years ago. i suppose you all noticed the moony half stare behind my thick plastic lenses. i wonder if you sensed the storm behind the sunken in eyes.

but feeling comfortable by wearing the versace doesn’t bring aftertastes of guilt with it. it doesn’t make me wish that the years had never passed. it doesn’t fill me with surges of wild, irrational hope or spear me with red hot spikes of regret. hell, its just a shirt. an old comforter, a personal favourite, but still a shirt.

and its competing with a voice whose magic has bewitched me these past eight years. the one which has the wierd effect of making you feel like you’ve just had a perfect swallow of the chocolate syrup on your caked alaska every time it hits your eardrums. ecstasy in stereo. its the voice that… oh hell. lets not go there.

i was talking about that old song last night. the one in french i always understood but didn’t know the meaning of. i was browsing through my computer looking for an mp3. it turns out i have both that and a translation of the lyrics.

comme si je n’existais pas (as if i didn’t exist)
elle est passée à côté de moi (she passed by me)
sans un regard, reine de “saba” (without a glance, the queen of “saba”)
j’ai dit aïcha prends tout est pour toi (i said, aïcha, take everything, it’s all for you)

voici les perles les bijoux (here are pearls, jewelry)
aussi l’or autour de ton cou (also, gold for your neck)
les fruits, biens mûrs au goût de miel (fruits, ripe to the taste of honey)
ma vie, aïcha, si tu m’aimes (my life, aïcha, if you love me)

j’irai où ton souffle nous mène (i will go where your breath takes us)
dans les pays d’ivoire et des baignes (in the countries of ivory)
j’effacerai tes larmes ou tes peines (i will erase your tears or sorrows)
rien n’est trop beau pour une si belle (nothing is beautiful enough for one this beautiful)

aïcha, aïcha, écoute moi (aïcha, aïcha, listen to me)
aïcha, aïcha, t’en vas pas (aïcha, aïcha, don’t go away)
aïcha, aïcha, regarde moi (aïcha, aïcha, look at me)
aïcha, aïcha, réponds-moi (aïcha, aïcha, answer me)

je dirai les mots les poèmes (i will tell you words, poems)
je jouerai les musiques du ciel (i will play music of the sky)
je prendrai les rayons du soleil (i will take the rays of sun)
pour éclairer tes yeux de reine (to illuminate the eyes of this queen)

elle m’a dit: “garde tes trèsors (she told me, “keep your treasures)
moi je vaux mieux que tout ça (i’m better than this)
des barreaux sont des barreaux, même en or (bars are bars, even if they are gold)
je veux les mêmes droits que toi (i want the same rights you have)
du respect pour chaque jour (out of respect for each day)
moi je ne veux que de l’amour (i don’t want anything but your love)

aïcha, aïcha, écoute moi (aïcha, aïcha, listen to me)
aïcha, aïcha, t’en vas pas (aïcha, aïcha, don’t go away)
aïcha, aïcha, regarde moi (aïcha, aïcha, look at me)
aïcha, aïcha, réponds-moi (aïcha, aïcha, answer me)

“so?”

so i really am mad, na?

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