Archive for December, 2006

metrosexual, i am not. i’m not even the milder macho version – self conscious. i’m the guy who didn’t shave in the morning because an extra five minutes of sleep were more important than looking sharp for the meeting. and when you join that with naturally horrendous looks, a mop of thinning hair (yes i’m aware […]

there are times when even the most alpha male type of chauvinist pigs probably end up wishing they were females. like when you’re standing in line to pay your electricity bill for instance. or when you get stuck with a flat tyre and no jack in the trunk. or when the waiter signals you to […]

he thrashes around wildly in the clutch of yet another horrible nightmare. sleep and comfort have not come together since the accident. i’ll be there for you. the words reverberate through his skull and he wakes. he looks from the picture on the table to the empty space beside him. i’m so sorry, he sobs.

what i mailed: mr. boss [name] yes i’m available on sunday. will see you at your office at nine a.m. abbas what i meant:  you blithering idiot. i spent the better part of the morning sitting on my ass, fielding frantic telephone calls from the client while i waited for you to arrive. when you […]

there are certain snakes that can lie in wait for their prey for hours on an end without moving. crocodiles stalking young springboks at the waterholes of darkest africa have been known to have waited for days. even your average gecko is unbeleivably patient as it contemplates whether or not it should rush forward to snap […]

alternatively you could say that its not neither (nee-th-ur), its neither (na-ee-th-ur).  it’s the same old tintin story. thompson with p and thomson without p. speedometer (spid-aw-mit-ur) or the desi speedometer (spee-do-mee-tur). or my old chemistry lab chromatography (kroma-tawg-ruphy) to the lab tech’s chromatography (kro-mat-o-graa-fee). it’s all cool. and nobody gives a shit.  however, when […]

to continue the rant against what seems to be the premature demise of my beloved mother tongue, albeit at a tangent, i present to you the classic case of the end of verbosity in urdu shairee. the class and style has given way to simple efficiency. much like sacrificing the pure talent and artistry of […]