stud-nee and her dad’s kulfi


and so i finally ate my first kulfi in sixteen years. bleah. can’t stand the stuff. but what do you do when you’re served the damn thing by a sixty something, white bearded, bald dulhan ka baap on the stage while you’re sitting next to the groom? you eat it, thats what you do. it was almost as bad as the lassi i had to drink when the grateful guy whose lease documents i finalised when i was interning at the sindh katchi abadi authority insisted that i have something sweet before i leave his house. the rest of the gang, however, thought it was actually quite good. to each his own i guess. can i help it if i hate lassi, kulfi and gajar ka halwa?

as usual i’ve been derailed by my own quirky food tastes. the post was supposed to be about the stud’s engagement ceremony. i’d have called it engagement party but a segregated gathering where half the attendees have beards longer than my kurta cannot under any circumstances constitute a party. thats not to say it wasn’t fun. when you’re a peoplewatcher, there’s no better vantage point than right up at the front with all the people facing your direction. you can sort out the bride’s brother’s freinds, the bride’s father’s bearded associates, the groom’s unknown cousins and the groom’s dad’sΒ crazy german associate – without looking like you’re staring because there’s no other place for you to be looking but in front of you. i would of course have preferred to be in the same situation in a mixed gathering where i could ogle at all the pretty ladies – we are but men after all – but things happen that make even all male gatherings entertaining.the stud and i, sheepishly looking at the camera as his brother takes a photo

there was, for example, the guy who looked like he’d stepped off the set of the tv serial ankahee and the way he slept throughout the proceedings, his head nodding from one side to the other as if in time to some classical beat from yesteryear. there was also the guy who was introduced as the stud-nee’s mamoo-cum-dost, a dead ringer for the bollywood star mukesh rishi,Β with the way he was unabashedly tugging at his unmentionables while on stage. and of course there were the obligatory wannabes in the back, pony-tailed and kitted out like lousy extras from a low budget mafia flick.

the most fun part of the proceedings, however, was our constant teasing of the stud who is the last person in the world you’d normally expect to get suckered into a fully desi type arranged marriage which would have been pretty sad if the stud-nee didn’t appear to be a pretty nice person. in any case he likes her and thats about all thats supposed to matter at least.

may they have a great life together. ameen. and may i never have to forcibly eat kulfi again, no matter what the occasion.

unless of course claire forlani’s father offers me some at my nikkah with his daughter…


28 Responses to “stud-nee and her dad’s kulfi”

  1. dude. you took the words out of my mouth. i’ve got it down to an art now. basically i vocalize immediately after i meet anyone that i hate meetha and anything to do with such things, chocolate and cake inclusive. if all else fails, you can always claim diabetes. i’m a dhabba on the name of bohra’s everywhere.

  2. lassi n kulfi i like..
    gajjar ka halwa i can do without πŸ˜›

    i was also (mis)fortunate enough to attend a segregated wedding recently… stayed for a total of 1/2 hour πŸ˜› back home by 11:45. In that case, it was good. We are all men afterall πŸ˜‰

  3. abbas i would claim diabetes any day of the week if i wasn’t putty in the hands of anyone who can bake a decent chocolate cake. ice cream, custards and other non-desi meethas i can do without. but if someone so much as comes within a hundred miles of my food with pineapple on his person, well, hell, no one said it better than lewis carroll – “OFF WITH HIS HEAD!” πŸ˜›

    @ mansoor: we’re men indeed πŸ™‚

  4. hahhaa..another amusing post! btw dyu like falooda? i just realisd ur like the onli 1 i havent eaten kaybeez with. i guess non-desiness xplains it. nice 2 see a pic of u! u look skinny *he realli has been layin off the meethaz*

  5. πŸ˜€ lol

    This reminds me. I haven’t even had a candy in a long time.

    It’s funny when you suddenly realize things like these.

  6. falooda? zehra, bachey, you’ve got to be kidding me. if i had to choose between a hernia and a falooda i’d choose the hernia any day of the week.

    @ TDH

    πŸ™‚ yeah

  7. the guy next to you looks realllly familiar.. was he in our college back then?
    and i had no idea you didnt like meetha….!!! why the weight gain then?

  8. nah he wasn’t in our college. didn’t know him till i started the accountancy game. probably looks like someone you knew.

    meetha has nothing to do with my weight gain. you can blame colonel sanders and a certain mr. ronald macdonald, esq. for the extra pounds. of course meerath, jawed, food centre, biryani centre, jan’s broast, binnoria, mr burger, kaybees, roll inn, eaton, hot and spicy etc have all played their own respective parts…

  9. no kulfi,lassi, falooda or gajar ka halwa….yaar you are too NON-DESI …. so what do you live on? JUNK FOOD?

  10. ummmm… yeah. isn’t that what’s life supposed to be about?

  11. xil: i started feeling fat just reading all those names. lolz. may god have mercy on u :p

  12. awe poor u πŸ˜› wish u many more kulfi times hehehe! n kis angle se does he look dubla to u, xehra? :O

    btw, ur list looks like a good refernece point. javed ki nihari khaii? yes! meerath ke kabab? no! biryani center? yes! jan’z broast? yes! kaybees? didnt like it. COOL! need a visit to meerath soon πŸ˜€

  13. Wow
    kulfi is aach-thoo most of the time but,a nice rich,creamy glass of lassi on a hot summer afternoon?

  14. @ mansoor: and you too mate, you too. we tubs of lard are all in this together. πŸ™‚

    @ mona: she’s talking relatively!!!!

  15. henna, i’m sorry, but that just makes me feel sick. i’m not averse to a tall glass of cold coffee or chocolate milk however.

  16. After reading the comments, I forgot what I was going to comment about. :D. “Thousand apologies”

  17. Above comment was incomplete. Submit Comment got pressed by mistake:

    After reading the comments, I forgot what I was going to comment about. :D. “Thousand apologies” (In the most desi accent you can dream up). Tee hee (again in the most aggravating female voice ever) and yes I seem to be going through some weird hollywood related dementia.

  18. you lost me there somewhere…

  19. @ bhai~ ahahaha..well @least the cold coffee agrees with u. now i no wot i can treat u 2! hav u lost weight btw..not that ive evr had ny probz with it!

    @ mona~ no realli he does look dubla-ish..

  20. i can’t stand most desi meethas but kulfi is alright. lassi, falooda and halwas – no way. i’ve been drooling all over my laptop since someone mentioned kaybees…i think their ice-cream is to die for.

    also, segregated weddings suck (but glad you managed to entertain yourself anyway). and we really need to abolish this tradition of the bride and groom sitting up on a stage like the entertainment for the evening!

  21. oh i am right there with you sarah! we get married once in our lifetime (atleast we hope to πŸ˜‰ )
    and we should be allowed to have as much fun as possible, instead of sitting there on the stage like statues! who started this anyways?
    segregated wedding… I am all for, mine was.. and its a lot of fun for all the hijabis and niqabis out there.. we get to show of our hair and dress up to our hearts content!

  22. i wholeheartedly concur with the idea of removing the stage scene, it can not be fun being ogled at for five hours by all and sundry.

    but then what’s a desi shadi without that piece of dramaybazee? πŸ™‚

  23. mahwash, sorry didn’t think about the hijabis. you’re right but i do think segregated weddings should be a choice for the guests…there should be a women only area and a mixed area, because the non-hijabis should also get to enjoy the wedding by being able to sit with their friends and family/husbands (especially since one often goes to a wedding where the only people they know are inaccessible, up on stage!).

  24. there are more segregated weddings than seperate ones.. so its rare that hijabis get to have fun and dress up and show off their jewellery.. believe me I know!.. and those who want to mix ,easily find a way to do so in the lobby outside.. even at my wedding two guys from my husband’s side of the family were able to find prospective wives on our side of the family!

  25. oops! I meant more seperate weddings and fewer segregated

  26. actually you didn’t mean that either :). you meant there are more desegregated weddings than segregated ones.

  27. thank god we are not back in college!.. you would ve teased me to tears on that one.. lol.. i KNEW there was something wrong about that sentence.. guess i ve turned into a true “mommy” and lost my mind for good!… waisae its time someone found you a wife!!.. how come your family is not on ur case yet??..
    dont bother answering that, i know you wont..:)

  28. thats right. i won’t. πŸ™‚

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