they plutoed my appreciation…


in its 17th annual words of the year thingamajig, the american dialect society announced the term “plutoed” as its word of the year for 2006. the term is basically used in a sense of devaluation or demotion. if we had a pakistani dialect society, my term for the century would be “shat up”; the rendition of which, whether in anger or amusement, is the true identification mark of the desi. it just about beats everything else, like buffet (buff fit), milk (mil-ak), interest (in trust) and general (journal).

we all have our very own quirky terms though – some of them very bugging to listeners. the geezers from my paternal lucknow-origins family insist on calling an office worker a chaprasi, for instance. “ay hay daawar bhai, nosha mian aaj kal kya kar rahe hain?” “mashallah se citygroup mein chaprasi hai.” and this nosha mian is actually an lse grad, named abbas (yes there is a preponderances of guys named abbas in the extended family)Β in a senior management position in singapore. more ridiculous is the way a certain cousin’s cousin continuously refers to driving out of his neighbourhood as shehar jana (going to the city).

i have my own wierd ones too. i always use the word kaddoo (pumpkin) in place of the exclamation “bullshit” or “balls” or (if you were very classicaly inclined) “balderdash” or some other similar but more explicit expletive. admittedly it does not have a lot of class but then neither does the punjabi film star anjuman, though how that is related to the topic is something i don’t have a fricking idea about.

so when i was asked if i have a foot fetish when i was caught glancing at ms. prettyfeet’s lower extremities again, all i could say was “kaddoo! you just plutoed my aesthetic sense.”


how does one begin a letter asking for an extension of leave when the dope you’re writing it for insists on starting the request in the first paragraph? this is what i suggested; give me your feedback.

dear sir,

subject: extension of leave

once upon a time there was a great grey castle on a great grey cliff overlooking a great grey sea. that, however, has nothing to do with the subject of this letter. in the castle lived a great grey giant who did nothing all day but paint great grey pictures of the great grey castle on the great grey cliff overlooking the great grey sea. unfortunately, that has nothing to do with this letter either.

the reason i’m writing to you is……


16 Responses to “they plutoed my appreciation…”

  1. Ok I just laughed out loud when I reached “once upon a time there was a great grey castle on a great grey cliff…”. If I lose my job due to aforementioned indiscretion you’re so getting it. he he

  2. lolzzz!!!

    i wonder what is your family’s affection for the name abbass? that really got me thinking πŸ˜› i mean.. there are millions of names to choose from right?? πŸ˜›

    on the letter, how about…

    Dear someone,


    Skip this para.

    The reason im writing to you is…..


  3. saira how does a new job as an abbasnama appreciator sound to you? doesn’t pay much though, except of course in terms of the prestige that comes with being xill-e-ilahi’s courtier… πŸ˜‰

    mansoor, “skip this para” totally cracked me up. lol. πŸ˜€

  4. why do non-abbas’ insist on spelling abbas abbass, when not a single abbas that i know has EVER spelt his name abbass. it defies logic for me. anyway, i’m more inclined towards fillum vs. film.

  5. I could come up with a million terms myself but I can’t. Is it sane to be irked by terha frames and off centre bindi on Asha Bhosle’s forehead, on the rock dj sony hoarding?
    purr-palll, rayd, biilloo, yull-ow, I’m stretching your previous comment a bit:P

  6. blake and gireen

  7. when will non-abbas’ of the world learn to recognize that there is not a single abbas out there on the planet who spells his name abbass.

    any way, i’ve always had a kinship towards the word fillum vs. film.

  8. i hate to undecieve you, but there is one – and only one – sorry guy who spells his name that way. he used to be one of the five guys with abbas in their names in my sixth grade class. obviously, we called him baachoo. he moved to daytona beach, put on three hundred pounds, and is now called a paki terrorist. not many people try to diss him for the way he spells his name.

    out of the possible three thousand six hundred and ninety eight abbases that i know, he’s the only one who spells his name with an additional s.

    what a disgrace to the abbas brotherhood.

  9. bohat kay-laasik post hei lols! my sis is trying to remember some words like, jaylee (jelly) and toass (toast) for brake fast ..

    mansoor ka suggestion acha hei! skip this para hehehe

    oh and qaddoo sahab, u have plutoed the desiz sense of orginality here πŸ˜› or their keen sense of making angrezi their own language!

  10. i have a friend who insists that the roots of all language can be found in sindh. if he is to be believed, and mind you thats a big if, angrezi is already our own language.

    how does the idea of aaks-fawrd urdu lughat sound to you?

  11. one word i have never been able to make the most educated kids say properly is ‘shopner’.

    even funnier is how some ppl would spell certain words. ull frequently come across signs outside shops of elctrishuns and aato(in urdu) workshops.

  12. palamber, carpainter and tayler

  13. 13 SK

    I am ‘thaynking my lucky sitar that my baass waasn’t here when I raid this. Literally ‘phatted out’ (burst out) laughing ate the later’. πŸ™‚ Doesn’t make sense? Neither does my ex’s English. πŸ˜‰

  14. twaynkul twaynkul littil istar
    hoe i wander whut you are
    up a-bow-ve thee wurld so high
    laik a die-mund in thee iskye

    splitting my sides at “phatted out” πŸ˜€

  15. dood! it vas a plaiyure reading yaar post. abbas-nama indeed is a traiyure.
    good wurk

  16. ahh yes the lahore element πŸ˜€


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