rain, mud and the stud

12Mar07

desis are odd people.

i can say that and get away with it because i’m a desi. if i wasn’t, that would have been racist. what i meant to say was that non-desis are odd people, but that of course would have made me the racist and i really can’t afford a lawsuit at the moment. when its sunny in bahamian afternoon, people chuck their clothes and go sunbathing. in karachi, they go indoors for a siesta. when it rains in new york, they put on their raincoats, guys here take off their shirts and stand on the roofs of their bungalows. for the record, the karachiite way makes more sense to me.

it was on such a day that mud and i decided that after braving three hours of a strategic financial management class, the weather was too good to pass up. so we coaxed the stud to pick us up and go for a ride. so we drove up to costa, splashing water over every one in our way and were about to enter when mud declared that a cash count was in order. which was a wise decision. there is no point in dreaming of mochaccinos and brownies and icecream when you have a lousy four hundred and fifty three bucks between you. so you choose the option that in your analytical mind appears closest to coffee – pizza. and kings and queens is the poor man’s pizza hut any day of the week.

its fun to park a car on the side of a flyover when its raining hard at night, the fm radio blaring out an irritatingly catchy track that goes maula meray maula meray maula meray….. with the wipers turned off. storms can be relaxing. and thats a madness thats as desi as it gets. storms can also be inspiring. i penned this on the last page of my notebook as i sat there in the backseat.

yeh jo falak per achanak hi ghata chhaee hai
yeh ghata hai ya tera aanchal sirak gaya kahin?
aur jo shab-e-tareek khinchee chalee jaati hai
kya suraj teri sochon mein bhatak gaya kahin?

in hawaaon se kehdo ke mujhe tang na karein
yeh bahaaron sa sama dil ko bhaata hi nahin
mein jitna bhi chahoon meray sab khwaabon mein
teri zulfon ke siwa aur kuch aata hi nahin

barish mein bheegay huey reshmi aariz ki qasam
aag sulga gaee har boondh jo chehray pay giree
jhuki ankhon ki qasam, kaanpti saanson ki qasam
palkein jhapkeen to bijlee mairay seenay pay giree

lekin tu paraee sahi, ghair ki jageer sahi
teray hathon ki hararat ka sabab mein bhi to hoon
tu mujhe anjaan kahey – chalo ab yun bhi sahi
teri ankhon ki shararat ka sabab mein bhi to hoon

ab har shab shab-e-hijr ho mujh ko hai qubool
takhayyul mein mujhay tujh ko basaa lainay day
eik akhri visal ka haq ada kar day mujh ko
apni saanson mein teri mehak basa lainay day

i regret opening up. the awkward pauses in conversations are full of uncertain breaths and tapping fingers and nervous half-smiles and furrowed foreheads. you only need to look in the eyes to see what she’s thinking. so you pretend nothing ever happened and crack a joke or two or start the old dissing/teasing routine and everything’s the same. you get the same laughter, the same retorts, even the same twinkling eyes. but nothing’s the same. there’s no inflection in the laughter, no bite in the retorts and the twinkle has lost that special something that hid a thousand unsolved mysteries in its glow. you could look for hours into those two pools of beauty and the deep black orbs would stare right back at you. now they turn away within a few seconds and you’re left wondering why you’re making things harder. but the facade of nonchalance is everything. so you don’t say anything. and the world doesn’t know jack about the wreck of a relationship they’re looking at. we would like to thank the academy…

what i wouldn’t give to have those two minutes of confession back.

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20 Responses to “rain, mud and the stud”

  1. 1 SK

    O.K I am not pretending to know the whole situation and hope you don’t think “What the? Who in …is this? Well think it but don’t say it. But just had to say: You’re an auditor, right? You analyze and assess for a living. So give yourself some credit of knowing that it was time to open up to her. You did the right thing. It’s never good to hide your feelings (unless its feelings for a married person!:p)You knew it was time to open up, and you did. Now as my mom would say; Tough if you didn’t get the result you were expecting. Snap out of it and trust yourself for having done the right thing. It’ll take time, but the pauses in conv. and everything will go away after a while and things will become as normal as they can.

  2. Aye hai. I can feel the pain. Almost.
    Sigh.

  3. confessions do tend to ruin the most perfect of friendships if they go sour 😦

    wishin u the best dude…

  4. 4 PsycheD

    *sniff* outch! took another hit with that buddy – for i did some confessions myself and thats when the influx of bitter posts came about 😦 mansoor’s right, confessions do tend to ruin the most perfect relationships, particularly btn a ‘couple’ but then again, confessing one’s feelings is the only shot at knowing where you stand – no more leading on, no more uncertainty….take the pain of heartbreak once, instead of killing yourself little by little everyday. sighhh…..sorry for the outburst here too.

    lovely poem – dint bother with the desi version…the translation’s amazing enuff.
    so mud and stud eh? noice.

    and btw…maula re is an amazing song acha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaankheeinn teriiiiiiiiii………..baatein teriiiiiiiiiii………..zunfein teriiiiiiiii…………sigh…..only happens in the movies…only in the movies!

  5. For some reason your blog (the title, the poetry, the posts…) always makes me picture myself sitting in the courtyard of a huge haveli in the early morning sunshine, sitting on a charpai eating oranges. hmm.. sigh. 😀

  6. aye haye! I bring out the punjabun in you, huh? 🙂

  7. I’m pubjabi alright but I have a sneaky suspicion you arnt? 🙂

  8. hell, no! and boy do i love dissing people who are! 😛

  9. 9 Saadat

    Dude. I am certainly not experienced in any of this relationship stuff, but the only thing that came into my mind after reading the last sentence was… don’t regret it. At least you were brave enough to throw the ball in her court.

    And you need to learn how to write in Urdu script ASAP!

  10. 10 No One

    Adding you to my blogroll…hope thats ok…laters.

  11. As psycd said it’s better to confess and get to know for sure….rather than wondering, imagining, moving ahead for a crash down. it’s good that u r trying to maintain aur friendship…the awkwardness would go away …..

  12. 12 TDH

    Now thats something. 🙂

    What I wouldn’t give to have those moments back 🙂

  13. Tsk tsk. Personally I cant imagine being anything else. Life would lose its colour. 😀

  14. 14 Sadaf

    Such a lovely poem!

  15. thanks for the appreciation, best wishes and advice. 🙂

    i have absolutely no objections to being blogrolled by no one. but i would be preferred to be blogrolled by at least someone. 😛

    and saira, i feel for you, i really do. 😛

  16. 16 Zag

    Yes but confession if reciprocated from the other end can have wonderful consequences…. So instead of being afraid of the negative, look at the positive. If it was negative, then it’s better to get it out in the open, even if it ruins the friendship cuz eventually it is headed for doom anyway.

  17. 17 UTP

    sigh…that was beautiful yaar…dont worry it usually works out for the better in the end…

  18. 18 PsycheD

    i sed…..maula re is a gr8 song!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😛 somebody second that pls!

  19. @ psyched: it so very is…..i dunnow why….the lyrics r so banal..the music is so ordinary….but then…there is soemthing about it….

  20. 20 PsycheD

    🙂 @ tanzilla….chalo, jaisa bhi hai – magar hai na kuch in it! 😛


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