mars bars, life and death by platonism

01Apr07

hollywood has explored near life experiences like nothing else has. and while cliches of tunnels with light at the end and life swimming before your eyes and black guys in white suits make for good cinematic experiences, i guess all of that is a load of crap. i know what death looks like, i’ve seen it. it looks like a refused mars bar. 

i turned down a mars bar in january 2005 when i had a malarial fever in the range of 102 to 106 for a continuous four days. karachi was having its coldest winter in recent history and i lay in bed, shivering, sometimes thinking i wasn’t ready to die; at other times praying god would put me out of my misery. for two days i refused to go to an emergency room because i wanted to die at home but my family eventually dragged me to hospital when i entered a nearly delirious state and broke into tears at the sound of my sister’s voice on the phone. i was having my long forgotten nightmares again. dreams of the smell of burning flesh and empty cities and highways littered with corpses. of collapsed mineshafts and being buried alive. a worried friend offered me the mars bar, trying to coax me into getting something down my throat. ironically, that was the moment of greatest despair. if i could no longer even attempt to have chocolate i knew i was going to die. but the fever eventually dissipated and i was back at work on the sixth day wondering why i had been worried in the first place.

two years before that i had turned down another mars bar. i was so badly shaken up at the time that i actually didn’t eat the whole day. imagine being in a room with one of your best friends going through some files. then imagine the window panes shattering, the ceiling coming down, bits of smashed tubelights and broken airconditioning pipes glancing past your shoulder and the shock wave and heat from the bomb literally forcing your eyes closed for an instant. neither the stud nor i sat near a window for days.

i turned down another mars bar last night. no drama though. no bits of glass and cement and no deadly bacteria either. death isn’t necessarily the end of life after all. its merely the end of one of the million possible possible paths fate could take you down as you live your life. we die several times a second, a hundred times with every breath. the only thing is we hardly ever notice it. but hardly ever, close as it may be, is not never. and so we’re sometimes left mourning and yearning and hurting for what could have been, should have been, but won’t.

a simple you know our relationship will never be anything but platonic, don’t you? can do it. there was a reciprocal why? on the tip of my tongue but self respect forced out a quietly nodded yes as a million possible futures, a million dreams, a million hopes all went up in smoke.

it’s enough to make you turn down a mars bar anyway.

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58 Responses to “mars bars, life and death by platonism”

  1. The smell of a certain cologne, a certain word, a certain laugh…can take us back to moments frozen in time. Makes us smile, makes us laugh or makes us die a little.

    Rejection of the kind you are facing hurts…always.

    Happy living.

  2. that it does, shprite. most definitely.

  3. Hope and pray that things work out for the best…there is still hope.

  4. 4 PsycheD

    *sob* i shud not attempt to comment on this one………….key words: platonic….why….die several times a second, hundred times with every breath….sighh……..a sad, sad tale of many a human heart 😦
    yeah sprite…..ur so right….bottom line is…u will never be able forget or erase the person & events in all its totality – no matter how badly u got hurt.

  5. @ shprite: i do.

    @ psyched: how like a woman 🙂 ….. “i shud not attempt to comment” – and there she goes. 😛

  6. frankly, if you ask me, mars was always overrated as a chocolate. if i were you, i would go for for maybe, say, you know, non – mars
    khair…
    yar… about the chick dudette… khalli walli…
    tum nahi aur sahi, aur nahi aur sahi…

  7. 7 Shiza

    It was nice to be back here.
    Reading other people is making me write again.
    And this was a post worth savouring..like the caramel in a mars bar:D

  8. 8 PsycheD

    chall oyeeee ! i cud have gone on and on and on……………………………………. 😛
    already gave u a sample of the verbal diaarhoea rmr!

  9. 9 PsycheD

    and oh! when it comes to mars….not exactly a fan….galaxy anytime…or snickers…or after eight…or lindt…or godiva…or patchi…or cadbury….or lion bar….or twix…or….or…hann! KITKAT!!!!!
    but mars n bounty figure at the ‘if no other choice’ category 😛
    errr….and any dark choc any time! …. just lemme indulge naaaaa! hell! i soooo need some chocofying again :S

  10. 10 Cyma

    I can understand Hemlock and Psyched when they say MARS is an overrated chocolate. 🙂 Personally i too am a die-hard snickers fan… either that or those simplistic cadbury dairy milk ones that sort of remind you what eating a chocolate is really all about… more on my own blog darlings!

    Abbas! Why is it that i cant imagine you being the guy not being able to let go of a girl and the hurt she has caused? Perhaps because i never realized you had matured into someone who was willing to take the risk of falling all out for that fair-skinned brunnette u keep talking bout 😛 hehe. Just a generalization i assure you.

    But i will tell u sumthing. It will heal sweatheart.

    If u get married to someone just as loving and caring as you are, and if ure willing to let the past go, trust me it is very much possible to forget the hurt. Even the ego-blow that wun gets. Been there done that.

    Love,
    Cyma

  11. mmm.. why do girls have to shoot you down with ‘platonic’ !! arrgghhhhH :@

  12. @ hemlock: “khalli walli”… reminds me of broken skateboards and lost tennis balls and cuts and bruises from childhood days in the abu dhabi of the mid-eighties. damn. i want a good shawarma…

    @ shiza: great to see you back! start writing again – and soon.

    @ psyched: i know you could. 🙂

    @ cyma: why do all my old friends feign surprise at my getting emotionally attached? 🙂 i wasn’t that big a flirt back in college was i?

    @ mansoor: we’ll never understand. it’s apparently what they call a “girl thing”.

  13. More optimistically, there might be a Snickers or Almond Joy in your future. Sometimes death is synonymous with rebirth. 🙂

    But it’s usually just a death.

  14. 14 PsycheD

    abbeyyy! what girl thing?? huh?? huh???bolo! bolo! tell! tell! *rolls sleeves and does bruce lee dragon position* 😛

    i tooo wannnaaa shawermaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! the authentic arbi kind *drool*

  15. 15 SK

    Psyched: “u will never be able forget or erase the person & events in all its totality – no matter how badly u got hurt.”….WHY?!! I wanna forget!!! NOW!!!:(
    Oh…and I want a shawerma too!! 🙂
    Xil: ‘Hope it gets better soon’. Though isn’t that such a ‘ARGHHH!’ cliche at times? Glad you came out of the ‘near death’ experience safe and sound.

  16. @ sabrina: the way things are going, it’d probably be expired…

    @ psyched: ***looks at psyched attempting the dragon position and dies laughing*** 😛

    @ shehla: near death experiences aren’t so bad. its the death experiences that are terrible. that either sounds like confucius or jay leno. i’m going nuts. 🙂

  17. 17 hemlock

    i had a good shawarma 3 hrs before coming back to dxb… man, cock & bull rocks!

  18. 18 PsycheD

    eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! 😛

  19. uh uh. its more like “haieee!!!!”

  20. Assalaamu’alaykum

    Very well written, as always, masha’Allah. If all of that which you described went up in smoke, will you remain sitting at the fire waiting for the smoke to return? Just don’t melt too many Mars bars this way, it’s a waste.

  21. 21 cymarizwankhan

    @ Sabrina
    I like your sense o’ humor! 😛 hehe.

    @ Xil
    Dont act all your-holy-highness now okay. You were always a little on the look-at-that-sexy-babe and not do much about it kinda guy 😛

  22. We leave behind many things bcz they are associated with soemthing bad for us, but is it really worth it? We ll end up leaving a lot behind this way but a lot of it wouldnt be the emotional baggage…that stays….So dont leave ur Mars for the Venus…
    And since u asked, yes it’s been bad, very bad recently.

  23. 24 MAZ

    Sorry the link doesnt work 😦 But I wanted you to read “Deti nahi amaaa-n jo zameen,Aasmaan to hai” by Muneer Niazi.Buck up man! as some one said “Too nai aur sahi aur nahi aur sahi!” 🙂

  24. awww thats so sad. what a twat. you shouldve slapped him. dont worry God has someone better for you anyway, and thats meant to make you feel better cause its true :).
    inshallah.

  25. shit, wrote ‘him’ instead of ‘her’ , i usually just assume the bloggers a chick for some stupid reason, my bad. so anyway that sentence is actually meant to be “awww thats so sad. what a twat. you shouldve slapped her”….

  26. 27 SK

    MAZ: “Too nai aur sahi aur nahi aur sahi!” The old me would have found this funny, but since my ex hubby lived our married life with this attitude and LEFT his daughter and me with the same attitude/line, all I can say about this line now is PATHETIC! And that’s the decent word I have for it!
    Xil: everythingiseventual is right. God has someone better for you out there. 🙂 Now if I could only believe that for myself!;P

  27. @ farzeen: jazakAllah. and, as always, good advice.

    @ cyma: you’ve been misled.. sarasar ilzaam hai yeh 🙂

    @ tanzilla: i’m hardly the person to say it but it’ll get better soon inshAllah…

    @ ali: i’m more in a mood for khwaja meer dard at the moment 🙂

    @ everythingiseventual: i’d rather kick myself. seems more appropriate as i was the one who dared to presume.

    @ shehla: i’m sorry to hear your story… magar kya karein? life goes on.

  28. 29 SK

    Yep! It does. 🙂

  29. 30 MAZ

    @SK I’m sorry,i should have been more considerate but the thing is Kai I just said that line to cheer Abbas(I do hope thats your name yar,Blogosphere is confusing!),Who according to his profile is still UN MARRIED!

    @ xil I personally don’t like dard very much,Lol rone Kai ilawa kaam hi nahi the uska koi aur!

  30. @ ali: yes i’m unmarried. 🙂 and dude, that is precisely why i’m in a “dard” mood right now!!!

  31. 32 No One

    Daim…all this…just for a mars bar… 😀

    Why is it that some guys…take platonic relationships too seriously…honestly…its getting old…no offense to you or anyone else out there…but was just wondering…laters.

  32. 33 hemlock

    whenever yer dont talking to yourself pretendin to be 14 different people… can we have an update? :p

  33. 34 SK

    MAZ: No probs. 🙂 There was no way you could know you were touching a personal cord there. 🙂
    No one: Actually this is the first time, in this century (not Aunty Uncle age) that I am seeing a guy take a relationship this seriously. Nice change.

  34. 35 No One

    @SK: ahaha…I like your attitude…:) yeah for some strange reason…I feel guys take platonic relationships more seriously than any other relationship…crazy but true.

  35. @ no one: i have no clue what you’re talking about… 🙂

    @ hemlock: 😀 your wit is caustic! soon, soon….

  36. 37 suganspice

    There should be a new choc bar out on the shelfs for the freshly ditched ppl called – Platonic Bar…we would gorge on it till we dont feel the pain no more…

    Mars always makes me sick….

  37. 38 SK

    Suga: Platonic bar….that sounds nice…and guess who would make it? A girl who has been ditched! 🙂 Moi is a big fan of galaxy & symphony (something like galaxy here). But overall not such a choc fan. Chips is it for me. :)!

  38. 39 SK

    Uh…O.K……’Chips IT IS for me! 🙂

  39. @ suga: thats going to sell really big if the blogosphere’s anything to go by…. convert that idea to a real business and “nadia iman’s” might soon be as big a name as cadbury’s 😉

    @ shehla: galaxy is good 🙂

  40. 41 suganspice

    Dude I wish!!! lol

  41. 42 Nick Name was eaten by Zombies

    What has mars bar got to do with the malarial fever and bomb blast? but then its samandr-e-BEMAINA, or atleast to me.

  42. bemaina it is. 🙂

  43. What is up with heart break? Can we get away from this? The way I look at it, millions of wonderful people around the world are breaking daily.

    Gosh, there’s really no need! You know, there’s so many other wonderful people you can connect with. Let go. The person who can’t appreciate you now doesn’t deserve you. Bla bla, you know all this.

    I think though the broken glass and burnt flesh nightmares outweighs your so called rejection. All my best in finding a new place to rest your heart (though techincally, it should rest inside your own rib cage – allegories aside)

  44. @ maryam:

    i give myself very good advice, but i very seldom follow it

    alice in wonderland

  45. 46 SK

    Xil: Don’t we all….Alice had a point! 🙂

  46. 47 SK

    And ‘somethingtobe’ is right about “The person who can’t appreciate you now doesn’t deserve you.” Good advice…I would say the same thing, Xil….Of course when it comes to my own case, I would think..”Yeah, but why does he not appreciate me? What’s wrong with ME? maybe I could have been different for him”….blah blah….err…what was that about not following our own advice, now? 😉 Cheer up, Xil. 🙂

  47. shehla your nice long comments are always a pleasure to read… 🙂

    i wish i knew where you blogged.

  48. 49 PsycheD

    can somenody please toss me a lindt??? pweeeees????

  49. actually nothing better for instant chocofying than twix or snickers. they’re lighter on the stomach…

  50. 51 SK

    oh oh….was that an indirect way of saying “shorten your comments lady! TOOOO Long!” Sorry if they are. I have this habit of REALLY expressing myself once I start to write. 🙂 And…’duh’ question again I know….”Where I blogged?” huh? If that means do I have my own blog as yet, I don’t. Was waiting till the hurt and neg. in me subsided a bit. No one likes to hang around people wailing all the time, huh?! 🙂 And here’s to another ‘nice LONG comment’!

  51. heck shehla, not at all! and woman, maybe you should start blogging right away. you might find writing therapeutic..

  52. 53 SK

    Yeah, I might find it therapeautic, but will my readers find it therapeautic? Or will they NEED therapy after reading my blogs? ! 😉 Let’s see. Maybe soon, Inshallah. 🙂

  53. why would you want to change yourself for someone else and not for yourself? that’s not real change. it dissipates as soon as your relationshipwith that person turns sour.

    its hard enough being who you are in this world. why chase other ppl’s opinions of you? no one is that special. just remember we’re ALL going to die one day very soon.

    think about it.

  54. deep. very deep.

    ***sings mein to mar kar bhi meri jaan, tujhe chahoonga…***

  55. i don’t get that. some kid on my msn had it as her tag line. i ws like wtf does that mean? she was equally surprised by the fact that i hadn’t heard that song before.

  56. its from one of mehdi hasan’s most popular songs, zindagi mein to sabhi pyaar kiya karte hai penned (i think) by the renowned urdu poet, qateel shifai.

    the line i quoted translates roughly as “i’ll love you even after i die, my life [meaning his beloved]”


  1. 1 Bar Restaurant » mars bars, life and death by platonism

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