paris hilton in karachi!!!


not really. just trying to generate some google hits.

there are a number of lousy things associated with coming from a family that traces its roots to the indian city of lucknow. like when you run into a dad’s cousin at a restaurant when you’re with friends and have to say “aadab!” as a form of greeting much to the amusement of your companions. like when you forget that the old fogeys call your dad by his first name (i come from a long line of mohammad x hussains) and tell off his uncle for calling three times in a row despite your stating clearly that there is no mohammad at this number. like realising – while your cousins are rolling on the floor in hysterics – that the guy who talks like a mughal emperor isn’t the cute distant relative’s dad but her husband. i could go on for hours…

there are also some unbeleivably amusing stories. the ones lifelong family jokes are made of. like the recent story of the guy who wouldn’t die.

my great grandfather had two wives. he probably could have had at least two more but he was a romantic at heart and well life was busy. he had to go to the mushairas and do the requisite kabootar bazee and waste a fortune and do all the stuff the nawabs of those days had to do to ensure thatΒ four generations later the family name would be loosely attached to auditors and programmers and textile people and the like. anyways, anyone who has ever watched that disgrace to tv, star plus, will tell you how two marriages make for rifts in the family. and so was the case with ours. well it wasn’t exactly a rift, it was like being on two sides of a deep treacherous ravine – or m a jinnah road, take your pick, they’re both impossible to cross – so contact with the distant (half?)-cousins isn’t exactly a daily process.

it was in this environment that the phone suddenly rang a few days ago to tell me that kamran bhai’s father had passed away. it took seven minutes of interrogation to actually figure out who this kamran dude is before i communicated the thing to my parents. so that evening, theΒ  famous teen bhai (my dad and his two younger brothers) with sons in tow found their way to the funeral. and guess who they saw at the gate? kamran bhai’s father. a quick conference led us to conclude that it must have been kamran bhai’s uncle who had passed away and the condolence was just about to be extended when who shows up? kamran bhai’s uncle. my cousin and i quickly conferred and we decided that we both got it wrong it must have been kamran bhai himself who died. i was about to present this theory to the teen bhai when, you guessed it, kamran bhai shows up. this was very unnerving. i mean damn it all, you keep killing them off in your head and they keep showing up. i wish i’d thought it was anna nicole smith’s funeral…

having totally given up on our information, one of my uncles put it to the kamran bhai family – aakhir intiqaal hua kis ka hai??! so the guy goes “suleman bhai”. and a bunch of clueless faces stares back at him before someone says, “suleman bhai?”

this is someone that even the younger two of the the teen bhai had never heard about. and the last my own father had heard of him was like thirty years ago. but he didnt recall this untill after the poor guy was buried. imagine going through the entire funeral without knowing who’s being buried. only in desiland…

when we got home, there was even more hilarity. it seems the ladies had done the ghaibana namaz-e-janaza thing for kamran bhai’s dad and it was only after a hell of a lot of fun and joking that we found out that the poor guy was an estranged elder brother who no one had seen for the past three decades. i mean i feel sorry for him but i still can’t stop laughing at the comedy of errors caused by a misinterpreted phone call.

and the funeral was a hell of a lot more fun than the last wedding i was at. more on that later. my keyboard is hurting.


33 Responses to “paris hilton in karachi!!!”

  1. 1 SK

    ‘AADAAB’… πŸ™‚
    LOL! @ the whole post esp. “i mean damn it all, you keep killing them off in your head and they keep showing up.”
    And ‘coming from a family that traces its roots to the indian city of lucknow’ is nice. My ex was from Luknow, which was a major plus point for me when saying ‘yes’ (always wanted to get married into a Lucknowi fam.)to his proposal..of course when I was told he was a UP guy, I didn’t think they meant Ulloo Ka Patha guy…that he was. πŸ˜‰

  2. lol @ “uloo ka patha” πŸ˜€ if this blog hadn’t been semiconfidential i’d have shown it to my mom. the south indian maternal side would have laughed over it for ages… πŸ™‚

  3. yaar. sharam kero. going to a funeral not knowing who it belongs to
    ammi ko bolna tha, gher oe chawal bana dein. you guys are worse than teh people who go to weddings for free food.

    this reminds me of a phonecall my brother once answered

    this guys calls, bro answeres, teh guy says: beta apke walid hain?
    my brother says: ji uncle meray to hain, apke nai hain?
    the guy at the other end hangs up.

  4. lol. that reminds me of the hameed bhai saga… i’ll post about it soon.

  5. so like, assuming youve DONE a namaz e jenazah for someone who isnt dead, is it valid for after when he is dead, or do you have to say a new one?
    (i think this is a question asked in all gravity, except that i just cant stop laughing)

  6. i have no clue. i dont think so. seems like a lousy argument for not showing up at the mosque… πŸ™‚

  7. 7 No One

    LOL…daim that was pretty weird…I guess you said it right…only in desiland πŸ™‚

  8. you’ve got a way with words mate.

    kamran, suleiman, i can see how the confusion came about and hey dont knock the hyderabadi connection. my mum’s hyderabadi. we adaab all the time! πŸ™‚

  9. 9 sid

    lolsss!!! may suleman bhaii rest in peace. πŸ˜€

    there r a lot of pros to bein from hyderabad too. id do anything for that rich a family history.

  10. just for that nerdboy, im going to blog our convo. both of them

  11. @ maryam and sid: history has got nothing to with where you come from… its got to do with how you look at it πŸ™‚

    @ hemlock: and then the punjabis always cry about how karachiites are dadageers… ah hypocrisy! thy name is a 350 lbs oldie in a wheelchair!

  12. 12 Kenny Mah

    What a cute story… I had just watched The Shipping News last night, and yes, when they hold a wake in Newfoundland, they really do it to ‘wake’ the dead…

    And your keyboard is hurting? Boy, I’m getting carpal tunnel syndrome from not using a mouse in two years. Damn laptops.

  13. 13 Saadat

    My roots can be traced to Lucknow (from my Abbu ji’s side) and Hyderabad (from my Ammi ji’s side). And I have never said aadab to anyone (except when receiving Eidi).

    But yes, whenever there’s a mention of my Ammi ji’s certain cousin or my Abbu ji’s certain uncle, we all (that is to say, we, the young lot) just try not to think too much.

    Oh, by the way, inna lillah e wa inna ilayh e raji’un.

  14. no.
    we punjabis just think you morons should be wiped off the face of the planet πŸ˜€ khus kum, jehan paak

    abbas, NA CHER MALANGA NU!!!!

    p.s bohemia be back!

  15. 15 umarah

    its funny but also kinda sad

  16. 16 MAZ

    lol hillarious stuff! Kamran bhai Zindabad! πŸ˜€

  17. @ kenny: laptops will make you feel that way – the downside to technology.

    @ saadat: what a jaali person you are! πŸ˜› bagahir aadab kahay jeetay ho to lucknow aur hyderabad ki meeraas ka kya karo gay? πŸ™‚

    @ hemlock: and its disappeared again too…

    @ umarah: indeed it is. thanks for dropping by πŸ™‚

    @ ali: thanks. πŸ™‚

  18. maan…i find adaab as a greeting to be really hilarious, i thought till very recently it only existed in Muslim stereotypes in Indian films.

    Really funny as ever!

  19. sabahat, you find it hilarious and you haven’t even heard it live… πŸ™‚ it’s quite the experience. i recommend trying it out on your in-laws. if they don’t freak out they’ll be very amused or very impressed πŸ˜›

  20. no it NOT!!!!
    WOE be to you for saying that!

  21. said the site:

    Site Temporarily Unavailable
    We apologize for the inconvenience. Please contact the webmaster/ tech support immediately to have them rectify this.
    error id: “bad_httpd_conf”

    or maybe the pta finally decided to take precautionary measures against your racist intentions… πŸ˜›

  22. 22 PsycheD

    aadab! πŸ˜›

    best part “my keyboard is hurting” lol !
    oohh looking forward to the shaadi shenanigans

  23. Xill-e-Ilahi, since one branch of the in-laws (my MIL’s) are Urdu Speaking themselves such a greeting may have the undesired effect of being misconstrued as an attempt to assimilate in the clan πŸ˜‰

  24. and being a desi i can see why that might not be your favourite dream πŸ™‚

  25. hey well i was passin by thought to leav ma marks…..n show some paki love…..
    well i ma roots go bck to kashmir…ma grandparents moved frm punch, kashmir to azad kashmir….

    well u got a gud sense of humor……keep it up
    hit bck if u dont mind

  26. 26 mE

    i can relate to attending funerals and not knowing who they were, supposidly relatives flan falan key baitey key bhai ki chachi key potay key bhanjay. and in the end i give up trying to understand the relation.

    being urdu speaking aint that bad, plus now adays almost everyone who we used to say adaab to is not here in the world anymore

  27. liar.

  28. @ adorahkhwab: thanks for dropping by! πŸ™‚

    @ me: i just call them auraton walay rishtay as they’re the only ones who seem to understand ’em πŸ˜›

    @ hemlock: itni dair khamosh aur ab sahi ker li to “liar”!!!! may three pigeons bless you with their poop as you enter your workplace…

  29. lolz man! only desi’s could find a funeral funny :p

  30. jhoot bolay kawwa kaatay… kalay kawway se deryo

  31. lol XEI

  32. @ manolo: or schindler’s list boring…

    @ hemlock: “…tum maike sey bhi nikalee jao gee tum dekhtat rahiyo”

  33. 33 SK

    LOL, Xil! πŸ™‚ Sorry hemlock…this last one was just too good.. πŸ™‚

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