in which the tortoise almost beat the hare


when the guys at suzuki, lets call them takeshi and hideichiro, created the suzuki fx back in prehistoric days, they probably had lots of dreams attached to it. they must have hoped for a car that would outrun the flintstones’ jalopy, not get snowed under in the ice age and have windscreen wipers strong enough to clean off the pterodactyl poo that would inevitably end up there.

they probably did not anticipate creating a competitor for the porsche 911 carerra s cabriolet.

it is a universal truth that if you put three twenty something desi guys in a car during a traffic jam they will find some way to worsen the mess. there are various theories for this. some blame iodine deficiency, others blame the excessive amount of melanin, while dr. loona tikh of the s.r.a. university at gawalmandi.. er, i mean rawalpindi, merrily blames afghanistan. personally, i feel that it comes from reading the desi version of bumper stickers – slogans on buses and trucks like tapar hai to paas ker warna bardasht ker, na chhair malanga nu and chal oye chhakray tainu rab di khair! whatever. so when you’re jammed bumper to bumper and see the idiots in your sideview mirror trying to get the car on to the sidewalk, do not be surprised. its normal.

so how do you know your car’s making any headway? you pick out an easily identifiable car someway ahead and get in front. this is all very well when it works but if for no reason at all you keep reaching the next traffic signal, only to find the gay red suzuki fx with its sleepy looking driver already waiting patiently for the light to go green, you know somethings wrong. you race faster, more recklessly, from west wharf to nazimabad, all three of  you swearing loudly at each traffic light when the same idiot somehow manages to edge alongside. at one point when we had finally relaxed, satisfied that the guy could no longer be anywhere near we heard an awestruck jeff, riding shotgun, marvelling, “yaar, is ko to ghaib se madad haasil hai” (dude, this guy is being helped by the invisble) as the now familiar numberplate materialised in front of us, just as the rj on fm 96 decided to play the teriyaki boys’ tokyo drift. takeshi and hideichiro would have been proud.

we finally lost him, somewhat appropriately, in the nazimabad underpass two minutes before we reached my place.

so thats what the horoscope meant when it said i would face an almost insurmountable challenge. interesting. 


16 Responses to “in which the tortoise almost beat the hare”

  1. k i am lost!

  2. lolz!! thats really funny,hehe.i enjoyed reading dis1.

  3. 3 MAZ

    well you should be thankfull that the guy didnt give you the double indicator lol,here when someone keeps passing you again and again and if that particular someone is an a*****e as well,you can be certain to recieve the double indicator treatment! And i absolutely hate that!

  4. 4 Saadat

    Haha! Interesting, indeed.

    Though I would have gone and asked him his secret. Who knows, he really could have been a wali or something.

  5. porsche 911 carerra s cabriolet sounds fun. 😀 Although… putting 20 people in that baby… blasphemous.

  6. @ khwab: samandar-e-bemaina, remember? 😉

    @ marya: i’m a hit! i’m a hit! 😎

    @ ali: that ones new to me. must be a northern thing. in karachi they’ve mastered the “traffic stare”. its an art form in itself.

    @ saadat: there definitely was something wrong there. it was like he had a flting carpet or something fixed under it..

    @ saira:

    three [pause, pause] twenty something [pause, pause] desi guys…

    get it? 😛 there is no way in hell anyone can stuff 20 guys in a porsche. not even desis can do that and we are the gods of stuffing guys in cars… 😀

  7. 7 PsycheD

    for someone who always travelled in 4×4 and sedans….coming to pak b4 the 90s was such a pain when it came to getting from one place to another…since everyone wanted to tag along – which mean cramming our asses in those dinkys, even in the boot!

  8. 8 PsycheD

    yeah we’re good at stuffing cars and even salad plates………gawwd! even in 5 star restaurants – and pizza hut for that matter, ppl insist on making mountain with everything spilling all over! and hey are not even ashammed of it !

  9. do not mention the salad bowls at pizza hut. the combination of them and the proclivities of most of my friends have led to more mebarassing moments than any other thing in my life.

  10. you HAD to tell the world you sat in a porche, didnt you.
    jesus… allah ganjay ko nakhun na de.

  11. This one time i saw a van that said:
    Mein kinon kinon dasan mein Pindi challi aan!
    Dont know if you can read roman punjabi.

  12. Hahah, that was the most mundane encounter rendered in typically your way. Oh God. That was exquisite.

  13. Hey there thanks for coming by & for commenting on my blog:)

  14. ROFLOL @ shiza’s comment
    i miss desiland!

  15. @ hemlock: abay dhakkan! i was speaking figuratively! you think i’d be noting red suzuki fxes if i was in a porsche?

    @ shiza: oh i can read it all right. 🙂 comprehension is another matter. but (i think) i actually understood this. who all should i tell i’m going to’pindi? right?

    @ henna: kya baat hai meri tay! 😎

    @ illusion: heck, i enjoyed it. its a nice blog. 🙂

  16. 16 SK

    LOL Xil! 🙂 Bumper stickers on rikshaws and buses there were quite a source of amusement the last time I was in Karachi. 🙂
    “so when you’re jammed bumper to bumper and see the idiots in your sideview mirror trying to get the car on to the sidewalk, do not be surprised.”…exactly why i did not venture to drive while was out there…though now that I think about it, what with my recent experiences in handling jerks and increase in my…err..’vocabulary?…I guess I can now handle ‘the challenge’. 😉

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