the words of my pillow


“society is now one polished horde,
formed of two mighty tribes, the bores and bored.”

lord byron

and so life continues, tedium followed by tedium followed by tedium ad nauseum. sure there is the occasional interlude in the monotony but everything seems to get old very quickly. and so you turn to the little everyday ignorables to find some amusement, something to laugh about or simply smile over. you become, in essence, a people watcher.

people watchers watch people. well that should have been very bloody obvious but they don’t just watch people, they watch people. and so the bored person who aspires not to be bored suddenly becomes an encyclopedia of worthless trivia. on tuesday he will note that 47% of the people he ran into wearing shoes opted for laceups over mocassins. on wednesday he will note that nine of the fifteen people who wear glasses in the office wipe the lenses with tissue, three wipe them with their shirt sleeves, one has a little flannel rag and the other two simply don’t bother. and so on. today i catalogued the takia kalaams (pet phrases) used by people i run into regularly.

there is for instance the coworker who uses the word “basically” at least three times in every sentence and the other one who uses a less mentionable urdu word beginning with the same letter. there is also the “do not make excuses” largely credited to me but i picked it from my own senior. my own is, of course, “kadoo” which i use in polite company when i can’t say bullshit. there is a friend who responds to almost every question with the same “like duhhh!!” to the point that we actually started calleing her big moose before she dropped the habit. then there’s the client who manages to throw a shadow of doubt on everything he says by starting each sentence with “ghaliban…“. and how can i forget mangu’s “dono bhai sath chaltey hain“?

nothing i’ve heard was more irritating, however, than the idiot from merril lynch who came down in june for the wedding and thought he was some sort of supremely talented poet by trying to rhyme everything he said. for instance, “yaar, i saw your car, and waved from far, but you didn’t see me, i was looking so khwaar!” i mean get a life for christ’s sake! what is even more irritating however, is that despite the obvious faggotyness and that includes the heavy karhai wala kurta, some of the females were awestruck just because he had a passing resemblance to junaid jamshed and that somehow made all his other idiosyncrasies appealing. i remember overhearing the 23 year old educated girl saying, “wow, he sounds so romantic…”

spare me.

sir, I admit your general rule,
that every poet is a fool.
but you yourself may serve to show it,
every fool is not a poet.”

alexander pope


42 Responses to “the words of my pillow”

  1. 1 MAZ

    Hahahahaha lol hillarious post,I do wonder kai what the B word might be?,lol i would personally resort to the more “DESI”… laikin angrezi main b sai bohut words ho sakte hain! lol hahahahaha.

  2. 2 Saadat

    I am sure Junaid Jamshed will commit suicide if he read this and then ever met that Merrill Lynch idiot.

    And I agree, people watching is fun because people watchers watch people. And that trivia can never be worthless — nothing that gives you a good laugh is ever worthless.

  3. hmm, well, people watch people at times out of boredome pur there are many who watch people just to watch em,u rightly titled em as Encyclopedia, lols
    sometimes its fun waise, peeping from your window into the neighbour’s lawn,or just watching your foreign faculty proffessor turning all red cos of the spicy paki food served at an official lunch,:D

  4. you need to get a life. sign up for “get a life and quit being a voyeur” classes.
    i remember this poetry thingy de grouchy owl used to have on her blog:

    as a rule, man is fool
    when it’s hot, he wants it cool
    when it’s cool he wants i hot
    always wanting what is not

    what must be appreciated though, is that’s what they say about men. not women. 😀
    u mean the behn**** word? it’s one of my favourites too in fact. kinda profound, if you ask me, just not bloggable.

  5. girls are idiots. what can i say.

    anyway educated doesnt mean cluey.

  6. 6 Zag

    Shit, i also know a “mangu” and he also used to say “dono bhai sath chaltay hain”!!!! Could it be…… naahh…

  7. @ ali: i think you’ve got the right one. 😉

    @ saadat: nopes. first he’ll murder merril lynch and then he’ll commit suicide.

    @ marya: it is most definitely fun. 🙂

    @ hemlock: what’s wrong with being a voyeur? they get more famous than the voyeuees. take for example lady godiva. are more people familiar with her name or with that of peeking tom? i rest my case.

    @ maryam: i wholeheartedly agree 🙂

    @ zag: he wasn’t a memon now was he?

  8. ohh… i remember the “like duh….” LOL it was kind of addictive wasnt it? LOL @ “big moose” u must ve been the one who started calling her that right?
    and btw u ve always been a “people watcher” you always notice and pointed things i could never even think of noticing…. 🙂

  9. Oh! You fellow denizen of the psychologically challenging Pakistani work place!!!

  10. isnt godiva like a chocolate?

  11. @ mahwash: obviously. 🙂 who else would start it?

    @ jalal: we suffer together, you and i.

    @ hemlock: i rest my case.

  12. 12 PsycheD

    no one does the drawl-y ‘lyyke….lyyke’ or the most irritating.. ‘u know….u know…’
    u ass! of course i dont know!!!

  13. 13 Zag

    Double shit…… he was a memon…… could it be?? Still naah but with a lot less confidence..

  14. 14 No One

    for instance, “yaar, i saw your car, and waved from far, but you didn’t see me, i was looking so khwaar!” —-> daim…how come i dont come across these lozers…just for a good laugh…lataah.

  15. 15 SK

    “yaar, i saw your car, and waved from far, but you didn’t see me, i was looking so khwaar!” …one would have to say to him..Wow “your mind is so ‘bekaar'” 😉

  16. 16 SK

    And as Psyched said: Hate it when someone begins every sentence with ‘you know’ feel like saying..’Yeah I do, so please don’t bother to go on” and leave. 🙂

  17. 17 Zag

    SK, you’ve been bitten by the bug too…… its contagious isn’t it, i better keep my distance.

  18. 18 PsycheD

    bekaar! aahahahaha! aaalaaa!

  19. @ psyched: you know, there’s nothing wrong with saying you know. you know, i do it a lot too. you know….

    @ zag: his initial aren’t m.i. now are they? if they are i don’t know you and never want to hear of you again 😛

    @ no one: ‘coz you’re safe and sound far away form freakabad. 🙂

    @ shehla: there’s a shaira in you after all… now if you looked like nazia hasan i might suddenly find that kind of romantic… 😀

  20. 20 SK

    XIL: If you thought what I said up there was a shair…err…I don’t think I want you to ‘suddenly find that kind of romantic’. 😉
    ****and right about now Faiz is turning in grave thinking… “I leave them with gems and they appreciate WHAT?!! I’m going to die with grief..oops..Oh look I already am dead!!”****

  21. 21 SK

    Zag: You can run, but you won’t get very ‘far’. 😉

  22. 22 SK

    Xil: “”Aap jesa koi meri zindagi mein aaye….to bhai banjaye.” Want more nazia hasan? 😉

  23. shehla, i would greatly prefer “baap banjaye”… 😉

  24. 24 SK

    Xil: I know. But seeing as how this is not one of those x-rated blogsites (though zag would beg to differ!) I couldn’t really go there. 😉 Eventhough the thought did cross my mind. Also seeing as how I am a ‘very sharif girl’ and older than you, I WOULDN’T say that, would I? 😉 Though believe it or not when I was 8 years old I did sing it as ‘baap banjaya…’! 🙂 Until one of my sis corrected me (making fun of me first!)….oh and did I mention I was sharif AND older? 😉

  25. Eventhough the thought did cross my mind

    let’s leave it at that. 🙂

  26. 26 PsycheD

    lol…..i expect myself to come up with such versions!!! lol
    waisey sk…the bhai banjaye is sooo classic!

  27. 27 SK

    Tauba! Out of everything else, trust a man to pick that up!! I had this ‘red alert’ thing going on in my mind when I typed that out!! Why did I ignore it?! Guess I’m just too ‘trusting and nice’. :p Oh and did I mention OLDER and wiser. 😉
    Psyched: Just had to say that when Xil mentioned romantic and nazia in the same sentence. 🙂

  28. 28 Zag

    SK: So in a couple of comments the SHARIF part is dropped??? Man you are sooo easy …. Lol or maybe u are saying that the ones who are Sharif are idiots and the wiser ones arent really sharif…take your pic 🙂

    waisay, u think this is not an xrated blog while what i write in psyched’s blog’s comments is xrated? Damn you and your double standards!!!! 😛

    btw, since you’ve already been caught with the “thought” that crossed your mind….. how about typing it out of the shareef kind of ppl like us who u know, aren’t wise enuff to interpret that thought on our own *innocent face*

  29. 29 SK

    No zag, get out of the ‘duh’ or equally ‘x-rated’ stage boy, and read what I wrote carefully. As Xil had obviously ignored the OLDER part and had chosen to just read the ‘the thought…” line, being the smart woman I am, I chose to get him focused on one thing at a time…mistook him for being like most guys….err, like you…who have problems focusing on more than 1 thing at a time. So I just thought I needed to break down the sentence I said before to help all your feeble minds focus..That’s O.K. bache…I understand..have been a teacher and know all about attention deficit kiddos. Not surprisingly its mostly in guys! 😛 😉

  30. 30 SK

    Oh and zag..’since you’ve already been caught with the “thought” that crossed your mind….. how about typing it out of the shareef kind of ppl like us’..according to you, and which seems true in your case, sharif guys are idiots right? 😛 🙂 Man you are sooooo easy. 😛 😉

  31. 31 Zag

    SK: If me being an idiot lets u type out your thought, then i’ll take it…. now it’s your turn 😉

    and what the hell??? Bache??? you must be a lot younger than i am 😛

  32. 32 SK

    Shaabash ‘bache’. 😉 Good to see some guy accepting his…hmm, how should I say this…true to nature ‘idioticity and feebleness of mind’ nowadays. It’s a start. 😉 Oh and 31, soon to be 32 in 2 months. 🙂

  33. 33 SK

    Hello, Xil, you wanna maybe comment here? This is your blog you know, Mr. disappearing iceman. 🙂 How about replying to comments directed at you? 🙂

  34. 34 Zag

    Pish Posh so you are 2 years older, BIG DEAL!!!! 😛 and thats not even full 2 years, its short by 2 months 🙂

    waisay, i had a condition up there, in case u conviniently decided to ignore it, then the rest doesnt count 😛

  35. 35 SK

    DUH!! I DID answer it, Mr. Pish posh. :p 🙂 lol @ pish posh.
    ***’feeble mind’ going back and forth to SK’s comment, trying to figure out where she answered him. “Urgh…why wasn’t I around & why did I have to go and take a ‘p’ break when God was handing out brains?”, says zag.**** 😉

  36. 36 Zag

    I meant in detail…… 😛

  37. 37 SK

    You won’t be able to handle the detail, bache. Go home and do your homework. There’s school tomorow! :p 😉

  38. 38 Zag

    Ahh yes this is what happened when u dont have the answer 🙂

  39. 39 SK

    lol! Pretty much, yes. 🙂
    And its ‘happens’ not ‘happened’ in this sentence…didn’t do our homework I see? 😛 😉 And in case you missed it, perverted soul, (I love calling you that) Xil is 25 and moi is almost 32. So there couldn’t be any ‘thoughts’ there, remember. Plus Xil just disappeared! And I so don’t need another guy who just ‘disappears’. 😛 🙂

  40. 40 Zag

    Sorry, typo, happens….. didn’t knew my english teacher will catch me here 😛 😛

    Waisay, i wasn’t even thinking about “those” thoughts involving you and Xil… i was thinking about some other kinda thoughts, but thanks for clarifying *innocent look* 🙂 and u call me perverted soul, i should call u perverted mind 😉 tsk tsk tsk….. cradle snatcher 😛

  41. 41 SK

    ‘didn’t knew my english teacher will catch me here’…OH I’M EVERYWHERE!! Muahahaha. 😀
    “I was thinking about some other kinda thoughts..” You THINK?!!! Wow! No I’m afraid, zaggy, what you call ‘thoughts in your mind’ (err…the thing found in your head..well I guess not IN your’s, but most people’s head!) are actually ‘delusions’! And you are ssssssssssooooo having quite a few right now! 😀 😛 tsk tsk…ADD Bache! 😛

  42. 42 SK

    What? And now you cannot focus ling enough to reply to my comments..tsk..tsk. 😀

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