eik sau baavun saala tajruba….. khandani


the telenor marketing staff is abolutely unbelievable. as in your face as the guys distributing those aaya bengali, chhaaya bengali, mehboob ko qadmon mein laaya bengali flyers. the one that promise cures for everything from influenza to impotence. the other day i was at one of their offices paying my mother’s bill when this chick behind the counter tells this naqabi (who’s standing there with her bearded dad no less) that she should opt for the djuice package rather than talkshawk because its cheaper to talk to boyfriends that way during the night. i mean how blonde can you get? i suppose daddy dear probably confisicated the cell phone. or maybe telenor just doesn’t want to sell the djuice package anymore.

as the bard said,

zindagi yun katee teri yaadon ke saharay,
ghain… ghubaray – fay…. fawaray

though how thats relevant to the present discussion is beyond me. but its the season for irrelevancies. its been that season since i started keeping a cell phone six years ago. having a name which start with a-b-b-a mean that you’re usually the first person on everybody’s contact lists. which in turn means that all the accidental text messages make their way into your inbox, some from people i don’t even know. these are the pick of the lot.

“abbu pleez buy some mango on way. shamim aunty is cumming” [i swear she spelt it that way 😛 ]

“just look in 2 his eyes and lie. its easy. i do it all da time wid u” [and i’m like hmmm not so naik parveen after all.]

“sirjee yeh kya movie theee? not one scene….”

meray dil te asar tera e rehnda ae, meriyan gallan wich zikar tera e rehnda ae, pata nahin ke rishta ae tera te mera, k is dil nu bas fikar tera e rehnda ae” [this from the  retired army intelligence officer who thinks im a wuss. just wish i knew who it was intended for]

“chestnut brown. mix it with your current deep red. the mixture is very nice. guys go for dyed artificial looking hair” [excuse me? we do?]

“sameena, i love you” [nineteen times in succession]

and so on so forth. i have to stop keeping a cellphone. imagine your cell going off nineteen times during a meeting (even if its on silent the vibration is distracting) to be told you’re a sameena and much loved. please.

the days of nazia hasan’s telephone pyar are over. these days you get a hideous mazhar rahi singing asaan noon mobaile lay liya. i leave you with a couplet i read off a bus last night.

khuda karey sub haseenon ke baap mar jaein
shayad isee bahanay un ke ghar puhunch jaein


32 Responses to “eik sau baavun saala tajruba….. khandani”

  1. sameena, i love you too.
    so now i know what’s been hiding behind that ‘frosty’ exterior…
    we’ll accept you no matter what… sameena

    sameena sameena
    na na na na na na

  2. sigh….

    you and me both bro….and you and me both.

    though since the sms culture is not so outspoken in north america, i still luck out. but the worst feeling is recieving calls when people have their phones unlocked in their pocket and it keeps dialing you.

    inevitably, i get at least one missed call on a daily basis.

  3. @ hemlock: little things please little minds…

    @ halai: well look at it this way, the aamirs of this world have it even worse than we do. 🙂

  4. Abbas, this was too funny..

  5. oh yer rsponses / replies are getting lamer by the day…

  6. Now this I can believe! Have “almost” sent you tons of texts.

    But tell me. If one vibrates with one name 19 times does that name not become uhh…imprinted? 😛

  7. 7 No One

    19 text messages…in one go…man…you all are daim lucky for cheap celly connexion…you guys are way spoilt in Pakiland!! …ahaha …kidding 🙂

  8. lolzz!! i feel for you man! really do!

    oh and i keep dialing an aamir from my cell all the time :p

  9. 9 maryatariq

    Lolz! its hilarious and m used to sending messages to wrong recepients at times: now i know how they feel at such times, but thanks God there wasn’t any aunty shameen or i love u sort of scene, lolz

  10. Ok.. :p u know i sent u a wrong msg just yesterday… I was sending it 2 Somia and when i sent her another steamed msg on y she hadnt responded… so on so forth until a rcvd a Delivery Report (God knows why they call it that) from your number… OOPS> 😀

  11. 11 skzworldofdreams

    err…Abbas Halai…after that ‘sameena’ thing there your ‘you and me both bro’ is adding on quite a bit! 😀

  12. 12 skzworldofdreams

    Xil: lol! 🙂 To the sameena thing you should just have sent a reply saying “Well, I don’t love you anymore. And I really think we should call it quits. This will never work out!” 😀 😛 Aah! The Pakistani in me lives! 😀

  13. 13 skzworldofdreams

    And you really should ‘cum’ more often to my blogsite! 😀
    ‘khuda karey sub haseenon ke baap mar jaein, shayad isee bahanay un ke ghar puhunch jaein’ DEEP! VERY DEEP! 🙂
    And the ‘chick’ def. doesn’t want to sell the djuice package anymore! *rolls her eyes*

  14. 14 skzworldofdreams

    Isn’t it just wonderful how everytime you want to keep on talking (err..spamming) you just add a ‘AND’ at the beginning and just keep going on and on and on AND… 😀 Aah! The many treasures of English language! 😀

  15. @ raza: and that, my friend, is the tragedy. 🙂

    @ hemlock: out of respect for senior citizens i’ve decided to spare you the witty repartee…

    @ samar: i admire your self control. 🙂 and no! it most certianly does not!!! 😛

    @ no one: i’d be lucky if it was this sameena person sending the message. not this way around. 🙂

    @ mansoor: thank you for having an aamir on your list! 🙂

    @ marya: in that case its a good thing you don’t have my number 😉

    @ cyma: bhutto fikar not. i’m used to it from you. 😛

    @ bibi: and the thing is it has to be done in english. coz if u do it in punjabi and say “hor” it sounds like “whore” and thats certainly not polite conversation. but then its not even really a language. you listening, hemlock?

  16. Xill zara number tou daina 😛

  17. lol. Saminaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 😀

  18. 18 UTP

    What a POST!! You brought a giggle after a series of some serious posts I read on other blogs heheh….good stuff…

  19. since i am also alphebatically in that category; hence, i recieve sms intended for boy friends and husbands…..mostly pillow talk , they realize their mistake after sending the texts, so the next text is of apology….:) life sure is rangeen- of other people……and the two accidental sms that i sent in my entire life to the UNintended recipient werent starting from Aa anyways…..

  20. 20 skzworldofdreams

    🙂 I’m just gonna smile and wait to see how hemlock handles that one. 😀

  21. 21 skzworldofdreams

    UTP: Yeah Xil’s posts have a way of doing that. Even after I write my own ‘pathetically sad’ posts nowadays, I come back to Xil’s blog to try and relax, hoping I’ll be smiling by the time I’m done. Of course occassionally (???) when he hasn’t updated his blog, I end up angrier with the whole ‘men species’. 😀

  22. 22 skzworldofdreams

    Uff! Ek sau baawan saal tak ye blog update nahin hoga.

  23. ***“sirjee yeh kya movie theee? not one scene….”**

    i havent met one girl who says that man…

    and haan, waise, the i louwe u;s never seem to stop coming!
    heh! 🙂

  24. @ marya: ab to redundant ho gaya… 😦

    @ saira: hey! long time since you visited. oh and i hope your mom rechristens you aabgina or something like that. then i’ll be calling you saleem. 😛

    @ umar: cheers dude 🙂 . keep visiting

    @ tanzilla: you mean you’re not named tanzeela? what an anticlimactic confession… 😛

    @ bibi: you mean i’m the comic relief? tsk tsk. and i thought my life was some sort of epic tragedy…

    @ batool: admittedly, that message was from a guy. 🙂

  25. 25 skzworldofdreams

    Frosty: What? You thought your life was THAT deep and important? hmm….nah…comic reief it is. 😀
    Seriously though, comic relief or not, you make people feel better. Bus issee se khush hojao, na shukray!! 🙂

  26. 26 skzworldofdreams

    Oh and your life is not the epic tragedy. That would be my ex’s life! The biggest tragedy of ANYONE’S life!!! 😀 *Yes, I am in that MAD mood!*

  27. phewwww!!
    i cant even begin to imagine a nikaab wali complaining about a scene-less movie..

    so what cellphone u buying now!? 🙂

    *stands outside with an empty box,
    collecting “chanda” for ur phone*

  28. 28 skzworldofdreams

    Batster: Seeing how ‘cell’ things turn out with Xil, I guess what would be more appropriate is a banner saying “Sab choron ko Eid Mubarak! Ab-bas naya cell lene wale hain. Chand nikalne waala hai!” 😀

  29. HAhahah!!!! So glad you’re back, sometimes it is impossible for me to believe that these funny things actually happen to you. ‘cumming’, djuice package. Hahahahah………

  30. @ sabahat: but they do, they do. more’s the pity. 🙂

  31. 31 PsycheD

    aaahahahahahaha….waisey how did a msg intended for sameena come to u? i wonder what her nick wud be.

    my sis’ name begins with Aa… but she never complained of such…
    lol@ aamirs.

    and on the short for COME….freaks me out!!! i mean cmmon ppl! dont u know?? i once enlightened my friend’s sis on this one – she had a habit of using the short form…..grossed her out completely! hehehe – but never again did she use that spelling.

    err..btw, mind translating the title?

  32. “one fifty two years of experience… family(‘s)”

    a statement read off the board of one of these so called spiritual healers.

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