“look at the way he’s staring. bloody cheapo.”

23Jul07

said one girl to another, referring of course, to the thirty something guy with his daughter in his arms.

if this was the only information i gave you, you’d wholeheartedly concur and probably throw in a few choice epithets of your own. so would i. but if i told you that the lady in question was standing in the lobby at cineplex clad in a fitted sleeveless kurti with capris that looked like that they’d been painted on, what then? exactly what is supposed to be socially acceptable behaviour here? i mean, you’re dressed to attract attention and well, hell, you’ve got it. so how does a person reacting the way he’s supposed to become cheap?

as one acquaintance put it, there are two kinds of guy in the world. those who pay cash and watch the movie inside and the ones who simply watch the billboard outside the theatre. the gist of which was supposed to be that the actress is doing her thing for the guys who watch the movie not the billboard and so the billboard-watchers are somehow doing something they shouldn’t be. in line with that analogy, mr thirty-somethin-with-daughter here would be a billboard watcher.

if we were to list the possible options for mankind in such situations they would be: 

  • to retain the prehistoric privelige that comes with manhood, i.e., ogle away unabashedly like your voyeur heart wants you to,
  • to do the same but in a manner that would guard the lady’s modesty, i.e., stand right in front and block the view of any other billboard watching type who might get on to a good thing,
  • to do the virtually impossible. i.e., go the momin route, lower your gaze and pray to the almighty for lazzat-e-halal
  • to do the relatively possible, i.e., put on a pathan accent and say “da baysharmna! larki tumharay ka ghairat mar gaya kya? yeh lo, chaaddar aurho!” while handing over the car’s dust cover.

 of course, option 4 has the most possibility for some fun but its pretty damned expensive as you can’t keep dishing out dust covers like that and still pay the medical bills that will necessarily arise if the lady is accompanied by the no brains – all brawn type who normally hang around with them. and somehow i don’t think it’ll go down very well with the lady either. i mean, you don’t want to alienate her, do you?

now if i was caught staring like that – and yes, its no secret, i do stare – i’d probably go and say something like baji popcorn lay lo, dairh sau mein do thelay, but i’m sure that’s not a universal formula. what response is ms. painted-on-capris expecting from mr. average-male-passer-by? you tell me.

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64 Responses to ““look at the way he’s staring. bloody cheapo.””

  1. 1 Phil

    While the woman you talk about is dressed for attraction what she certainly lacks the concept behind ‘being out there.’ A hypocritical approach on her part, indeed. Dressing like that she cannot expect people to normal. Because he dressing isn’t. Ogling men are not acclimatized to the western concepts of feminism and all that bs and its not their fault. Where as in reality it is quite an achievement for a woman that she is found ‘attarctive,’ in places from where this specimen comes from.

  2. 2 skzworldofdreams

    Seriously!! Yeh larkiyan aese kapre pehnengi bhi aur phir nakhre bhi dikhaane hain!! Hmph! Why dress up like that and then expect (yet hope otherwise!!) that men will not ogle!! DUH!! They’re MEN…and you know that..which is why you’re dressing up like that! :/ Forget that it’s not even Islamic.
    Ab mujhe dekhlo…despite being Iman-isque I know I wouldn’t disrespect myself enough to dress up like that. 😛 😀

  3. @ phil: i totally agree

    @ bibi: then what’s the point of being iman-esque: 😛

  4. well said. i’m an inveterate starer, though with age my wife is becoming less tolerant of this harmless (and harmlessly enjoyable) pastime of mine. and i do often feel that a bold-faced stare would upset the object(s) of my attention, though i don’t think i should feel that way.

    the flip side of the coin raises the question of how much exposure justifies a bold-faced stare — is it ok for one’s eyes to pop unashamedly out of their sockets at the sight of a cleavage-flaunting, butt-taunting, hottie, but not ok at the sight of a dopatta-clad, loosely outfitted hottie? does the degree of exposure justify a commensurate degree of ogling?

  5. 5 skzworldofdreams

    Xille Ji 😛 : See that’s the trick…despite being Iman-esque, you don’t dress like err…trash…coz that way you just attract the thakke huwai people. On the other hand, if you are Iman-esque and dress classy (err..not third classy! 😛 )then you filter out the maile…and get to your classy guy, and then we go from there… 😉

  6. 6 skzworldofdreams

    Oh and I’m waiting for your response to kinkminos.. 😀

  7. @ bibi: so that’s why you keep asking me if i have an older brother… 😛

    @ kinkminos: actually i think it does. but the culturally standard level of exposure will differ from situation to situation i guess. personally i’d go with the rule of thumb that if its definitely female then its definitely stareable. however, i have an inkling that women like your significant other will find that rather boorish and absolutely unacceptable. since i am not yet bound down by the chains of mandatory fidelity i can afford their opinion. for you, its a judgement call. 🙂 the easy way out, of course, is to develop a habit of wearing dark glasses and carrying a white stick. that solves most problems.

  8. Staring is rude. Full stop! Whether the other person is deserving of it or not is another issue.

  9. 9 skzworldofdreams

    Ji…in the hope that he might turn out to be the ‘classy’ one of the 2.. 😛 😀

  10. @xille:
    >>> personally i’d go with the rule of thumb that if its definitely female then its definitely stareable.

    er…………… i would have to say i agree with that and hope the wife doesn’t hear me.

    —–

    @sumera: could you please define “staring”.
    is simply looking (without the tongue resembling that of a dog who’s had one too many sticks thrown away from it) rude?

    btw, i like your funky sense of punctuation… applying the brakes to the phrase “full stop” with a wotsit (that upside down “i” thingy).

  11. 11 skzworldofdreams

    ROFL!! @ the response to kinkminos. 😀
    ‘personally i’d go with the rule of thumb that if its definitely female then its definitely stareable.’ Guess some people just like to keep it plain and simple. 😛
    tsk…tsk…RATHER boorish.. 😀
    Ohh…so that’s what the dark glasses are all about..the ones you keep ‘popping up’ in some posts. 😛

  12. 12 skzworldofdreams

    kinkminos… I bet you wouldn’t be so ‘broad minded to ogling’ if it was your wife doing the err…’staring’.

  13. @skz: think (or rather bet) again. i’m an extremely broad-minded (and broad-middled) kind of guy. (well i think so, anyway)

  14. 14 skzworldofdreams

    hmmm…

  15. Staring is holding a glance towards someone for more than is necessary.

  16. yes but who defines what’s necessary?

    situation one: i see durdana butt shopping at naheed super market wearing a shalwar kameez. my necessary gaze time = 1.78 seconds

    situation two: i see jessica alba’s body double standing at a bus stop in korangi wearing denim cutoffs and a halter top. my necessary gaze time = 1.78 years

    everything’s relative. one man’s stare is another man’s blink.

    comprenez vous?

  17. 17 skzworldofdreams

    W.O.W. A whole debate on ogling… 😛

  18. bibi you’re just jealous ’cause you’re not ogleable.

  19. 19 SK

    And frosty you’re just jealous ’cause you’ll never find out exactly HOW ‘ogleable’ (nice English…Oxford University? 😛 ) I am. 😉 😀

  20. nah. university of cambridge local examinations syndicate 😀

  21. In both of the examples you gave, the staring is unnecessary and completely useless regardless of who it is and what they are, or arent wearing. You stare because you want to, not because you need to. Quite simple a link.

  22. 22 SK

    Aah…tabhi to…that explains it! 😀
    lol! 🙂

  23. yes but some wants are overpowering, sumera. then they become needs. even simpler. 🙂

  24. Then, in typical Mullah fashion :p, its time to get married beta! lol

  25. 25 skzworldofdreams

    So this ‘ogle-layeeo’ debate will go on till how long, again? 100 comments? You Pak auditors need more work!! 😛

  26. 26 skzworldofdreams

    lol @ ‘it’s time to get married’ Sumera!! Sounds like it, nah? 😀

  27. 27 skzworldofdreams

    So…he’s either gone to find more work, or gone to get married. 😛 Welcome back to ‘Samandare Ghaibana’!! 😀

  28. 28 SK

    In the meantime (while the dead resurrect) read the list of options in this post…HILARIOUS!! Esp. no. 4. 😀
    *err, that would be 1,000 USD PER post that I promote, ‘fraand’ Abbas. 😀 *

  29. a man would oogle if the chick was fully clad in an abaya. tehy would also look if she was buck naked. perhaps that’s why the specific mention to lower the gaze in Quran.
    a slut is a woman who dresses like a whore but refuses to admit she is one. a whore gives dignity to her profession by accepting who she is and what she does.
    some women need to figure out which catagory they belong to.

  30. yes but if a lady is dressed like err.. not a lady, and someone stares, who’s the lesser evil-doer? the starer or the staree? and if the staree objects to the starer’s stares, is she within her rights to do so?

    we need a policy manual on this.

  31. 31 mE

    just so you all know , the term ” eye candy” is for married men. like thats all they can do, just an eye candy.

    So when there is eye candy, eyes will look.

  32. OMG! this is hilarious but true.
    well, not all men are alike, and so is true for girls, y does a woman dress up in a Sleeveless short c kurtee and a painted on capris, Simple to attract people and to have that look of admiration for herself in the eyes, why then does she get angry when a man stares at her, i think here we can figure out some Attitude problem—lols!

    and some men do not have specifications to stare, they do not stare the only WEll-Dressed ladies, their eyes can scan a lady wearing an Abaya as well, lolz

    Nice Post Abbas!

  33. 33 PsycheD

    i refuse to stick to the painted female…..painted or not – capri or shalwar – decently dressed or not………the ogglings are ever present….preeeverts is what i like to call ’em! heck! ive seen men follow burqa clad females with their stares!
    men are men….they will oggle n fantacize…end of story!

  34. 34 OMER

    You people missing the point that girl was trying to attract attention of some cool guy not some 1 who’s married and holding a daughter in his arms :d 😉

  35. 35 skzworldofdreams

    As Psyched and hem said, men are men..they will ‘ogle’ no matter what…BUT if the err.. ‘lady’ 😛 is dressed err ‘unladylike’ then both are equally to blame! Sorry men, the excuse that “To woh aese kapre pehne kyun thi?” won’t ‘rock’ with God…as someone said “Just coz God gave you eyes, does not mean you HAVE to see EVERYTHING!” 😛

  36. @ me: i couldn’t have put it better myself. so if women don’t want be looked at, they shoud take pains to make themselves un-look-at-able, so to speak. 🙂

    @ marya: if you were in a missile proof bomb shelter would it matter if someone threw a water balloon at you? of course not. so if a woman is wearing an abaya – the proper kind – no the new see though fashionable abayas – what difference does it make if someone’s eyes rove over it? its a wasted effort. 😉

    @ omer: yes but they were both there, i.e. the married guy and me 😎 …

    @ bibi: ahh so you think all the guys who don’t ogle at you (because you’re not ogleable) are the nice guys doing the decent thing. dummy, they just have good taste 😛

  37. 37 skzworldofdreams

    ‘yes but they were both there, i.e. the married guy and me’..yes but then where was the ‘cool guy’? 😉 Kya Abbas, doing the ‘Waseem’s “ji mein cigarette nahin peeta” thing again? 😀 😛
    And nah, see when the guys ogle at me, I know its just their fault, not mine, coz I certainly don’t dress to attract attention…but kya karein, some people are just ‘ogle-able’ no matter what they do or wear..like me. 😀
    It’s a heavy burden, I tell ya..being this cool…but kya karein, someone has to do the job? 😉 😛

  38. Well… I was going to comment on this the first time I read it but then refrained. Now.. I think I might as well.

    a) Provocative dress is entirely a matter of perception. In Pakistan it would be capris and sleeveless. In the States it would be a bikini. It’s all relative. Jumping to a word like whore merely because of the way someone dresses is a little unfair I think.
    b) Women are quite capable of dressing up merely to look presentable. It isn’t always to attract men. Married women who work in a professional capacity may put on makeup and wear nice clothes because it makes them feel confident not because they want every male in the office lusting after them. I think it is a highly egotistical view on the part of certain males to presume it is for their especial notice.
    c) The girl you are talking about possibly was trying to attract males albeit of a certain caliber and consequently I can’t argue that.
    d) When you marry someone you promise to respect and honor them. I quite doubt one does that by indulging in ogling other women.

    My two cents.

  39. 39 skzworldofdreams

    I would highlight point d) here… in BOLD!!

  40. xille: at your reply to mE; dude. some women, no matter how hard we try, like say me and SK… we just CANT become unlookable. i could be a BMO (black moving object) and id still get stared oogled at.
    *sigh* it’s so hard being beautiful

  41. 41 PsycheD

    @ hemlock…go gurl! tell these oggling man what its all about! 😛

  42. @ saira: well yeah, i guess. 🙂

    @ hemlock: yeah. too hard for you to pull off… 😛

  43. well , thats sort of true, really

    like, we were dropping off mums colleague once
    and she was wearing a sleeveless kurti and jeans

    and all these construction workers outside stopped
    turned their heads
    and focused on her derriere as if there was no tomorrow
    and i was SO scandalised…

    i mean, an appreciative glance, i understand
    but dont stare like her rear is a choice piece of steak
    that u can’t wait to sink ur teeth into
    i mean, they were salivating all over the newly tarred road

    and when i commented on that,
    i was immediately reprimanded,
    that, if ur gona wear clothes like that,
    what are u expecting, people arent gona look!?!!
    😦

    it puzzles me – people dont stare abroad , even if ur wearing nothing practically
    why cant our men control their testosterone levels
    its only a pair of naked arms, nothing else!!!

    and why cant women exercise their freedom to be liberated?

  44. Well, you are right about the Fashionable, Trendy abayas, but still abbas, men are men.
    Anyways, i got a story regarding this Abaya thing, will post it on my blog 🙂

  45. Do women ever oogle at men? that would be nice. I wouldnt mind.
    @kinkimos, I get into trouble with my wife for staring also, I tell her its yeaaaaaaaaars of programming, its not gonna end instantly.

    @batty construction workers are like that, not your fault at all.

  46. 46 SK

    Aww, Xil, you poor thing. Koi baat nahin hemlock, poor guy is just so frustrated that he cannot personally ‘ogle’ goddesses like us.. poor thing. 😀

  47. shehzad- thanks for the reassurance
    much needed

  48. haha.. couldnt agree with you more. i can totally relate this fact with the world of marketing. when you send out ur msg across broadcast channels (radio/tv) u never know whether your core target audience would see it or not. there is way too much spillover. so i guess the ‘dressing up’ is dependant on who is looking. you and me would always fall in the category who would be termed cheapos even if we werent even looking. i’m sure the reaction would have been much diff had it been brad pitt staring down at her.

    ps. thanks for dropping by my blog. its new. i have been photoblogging for quite some time now. but only uploaded the written stuff now, just dint know how it wud be taken by the world at large. but yea.. things have changed quite a bit during th past 20 years, not just for the better, its often, also for the worse.

  49. @batty:
    “it puzzles me – people dont stare abroad , even if ur wearing nothing practically
    why cant our men control their testosterone levels
    its only a pair of naked arms, nothing else!!!

    and why cant women exercise their freedom to be liberated?”

    i would disagree here… people do stare abroad.. when they see a niqabi and in some cases a hijabi even would get some stares. I remember a hijabi who moved to our unviersity from a really small town. This was a few months before 9/11.. she said she was the only hijabi in the entire town.. and the local newspaper wrote an article on her when she left!!..
    its like abbas said earlier… whts the norm where…
    personally.. i am not bothered by staring… but its when its accompained by leering , and rude comments (in case of niqabis/hijabis) and things like that that makes your blood boil.. thats where its all wrong. even abroad men stare and beautiful women ( and men too ;)) just not as rudley as in karachi.

  50. xille yer so stoooooooooooooooooooooooooped.

  51. 51 skzworldofdreams

    Abbas: “Your disappearing act is be get quite irritational now”…

  52. 52 skzworldofdreams

    And this ‘goddess’ is asking 😛 : Everything o.k? Your mom doing well?

  53. “# to do the virtually impossible. i.e., go the momin route, lower your gaze and pray to the almighty for lazzat-e-halal”

    Um, why is that SO impossible?

    The restrictions only apply to women? If she’s dressed in a way that makes her appealing to men, what should the men do? Forget the fact that they’re HUMAN BEINGS and that their actions will be questioned on the day of judgement? Who are you to decree what someone else should do? Why do men NOT understand that STARING is NOT a God given right. The decree to lower your gaze applies to both men and women and the decree for a woman to cover her beauty is to protect her from the evil inside the men who are too weak to control it. Sorry Xill, but this post really disappointed.

    Is there no responsibility on the man? He’s holding his daughter in his arms – she will one day grow up to be a woman. Won’t she? And irrespective of what she’s wearing her father will smash any man’s face in, who is caught staring at her.

    The other point I’d like to mention here is that you can be totally covered up and not be in skin tight clothing to get started at by men because its not THEIR problem if a woman attracts their attention. Why don’t we just lock up all the women and leave the men to ogle at each other. Sorry mate, but where exactly does social responsibility lie?

  54. 54 skzworldofdreams

    *SK gives STB a standing ovation* YAAYYYYY!!!! I TOTALLY agree. 😀
    Xil….daant pargaee, daant pargaee. 😀

  55. >>> Why don’t we just lock up all the women and leave the men to ogle at each other

    sorry but somebody (i can’t remember who) already had that fantasy. i am also forced to wonder, following the quoted comment above, whether women enjoy watching “friends of Dorothy” type porn as much as men enjoy watching simulated tribadism.

  56. “Why dress up like that and then expect (yet hope otherwise!!) that men will not ogle!!”

    I have begun to think such ladies are actually lesbians. I mean they go through all the hard work to look good. ‘Look’ is the operational word here. How are they going to be good without some one looking. Now if they want only certain types of men to be looking, then they should remain in such company or wear the ‘abaya’ or ‘burqa’. Although as it goes in things of this nature, the more people can see you, the more is the probability of looking good.

    Or, you are a lesbian.

    PS: Nice blog. Visit mine at http://thedostishow.blogspot.com. Will wait for your feedback.

  57. Adnan: that made zero sense, but thanks for typing it out.

    sk: haha, cheers 🙂

  58. My, my, my… what a raging debate we have here… I did not do justice to all the comments though, because I am offended by Comment 34.

    … “You people missing the point that girl was trying to attract attention of some cool guy not some 1 who’s married and holding a daughter in his arms :d ;)” …

    Cheh Ma’ani Omer? Why am I not cool anymore?

  59. 59 Abbas (not the shehzada)

    Those women who dress to show off their lovely contours (who know who you are, ladies) do it to attract the attention of those men that they *WANT* staring at them. However, it would be highly impractical to expect that only those men actually do look, and the rest of the reject-worthy male population simply turn away or ignore you. That’s not gonna happen, and you know it – hence, “uffo, dekho kaise ghoor raha hai….”

    Well….HAAN…GHOORAY GA…..WTF ELSE DO YOU EXPECT?

  60. precisely how many guys on the blogworld claim to go by the name of abbas?

  61. 61 skzworldofdreams

    Well, I guess Fark nahin parta. Since some ‘Abbas’- es 😀 insist on disappearing every now and then, there should be other ‘Abbas’-es out there to fill in at Samandare Ghaibana.. 😀 😛

  62. 62 skzworldofdreams

    “Look at the way he keeps disappearing, bloody ghaibo!” 😀 hahahaha *Sorry, sorry…couldn’t resist.* 😀

  63. 63 Bubba

    Yaaa,
    there are women who want you to stare. and everything else…
    Me? hmm, I stare at….or as I like to call it, appreciate, women who look (really(kinda special like)) beautiful. For me it’s not about revealing skin or more or less cloth. It’s about how aesthetically pleasing it is. Take for instance my key argument……cars 🙂
    There is no skin revealing in cars. But I stare at cars like hell!! The really nice ones make me almost drool! But seriously, seeing a really gorgeous car such as the Aston Marting DB9 honestly and really truly most sincerely makes my heart beat faster, stop me in my tracks and turn me into a security cam. And the growl of some cars have a special chemical connection with my body that I’m unaware of! 😀
    So setting the scene now I’d say the consequences are the cause for such regulation in the Quran. Stare…but be fully aware of the consequences too. The problem is in the chemical stare ;D

  64. 64 Bubba

    oh and so u should parhez. or control….hmm.
    Ill check the notification box now….ye…


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