the crows of jamshoro

14Sep07

one of the biggest identifying traits of any major south asian city is the preponderance of crows flying just above headlevel – well shaquille o’neal headlevel – irritating the hell out of innocent passersby. especially when they try to sing. a crow is to singing as a sloth is to dieting. they sound so bad, these poor birds, that it is actually a minor miracle that someone with a name like sheryl crow managed to win nine grammys. such are the fickle ways of fate.

most crows i have noticed have a paindoo accent. though there will undoubtedly be a lot of paindoos who claim that crows sound more like they originated from some obscure town in bihar. c’est possible. they certainly do display all the stereotype characteristics of your average cunning bihari with the sneaky way a bunch of them will gang up on you and get your goose. come to think of it, the urdu word kawwa actually rhymes with babwa

but in jamshoro things happen differently. guys who originate from jamshoro manage to pronounce “twenty” as “twenny” even if the farthest west they’ve gone is karachi. and these things rub off on their crows. if you ever decide to sit by the kotri barrage to eat some fresh from the river palla machli, try not to order your drinks till the end. because thats the only thing the crows are after. they couldn’t care less about your 400 bucks a plate fresh fish. all they want is the cool mirinda. interesting? damn right it is. they don’t show up till the waiter brings the bottles and then they surround you like you were about to distribute a daighful  of biryani at the crow equivalent of data darbar. and irony of ironies, they disappear the instant you drain your glass.

if their crows are that choosy, i wouldn’t want to meet their women.

_____________________________

for the only guy in the world unlucky enough to be losing his hair a second time, one mr mian muhammad nawaz sharif, esq., i sing the following song:

aatay hain musafir
jaatay hain musafir
jana hai sub hee ko
kyun aatay hain musafir?

may the turd rot in hell. amen.

_____________________________

am i the only one wondering how tehmina durrani, the current mrs. shahbaz sharif is going to get along with her ex-husband mustafa khar (the guy she wrote a not-so-flattering book about) now that he’s practically joined her husband’s party?

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65 Responses to “the crows of jamshoro”

  1. hey! good to c ur post 🙂
    interesting one, yet again.
    the crow behaviour, as you observed is weird,they leave the fish and all they are interested in is, Mirinda? 😉 how come? lols!

  2. the reason theyre not after the fish is the fishbones. Palla is tasty i admit, but its a major pain in the has (ramadan mubarak) to pick the kantay!

  3. @ marya: they’re jamshoroites. 🙂

    @ shez: you’ve got a point there. its hard work picking ’em out. and there’s no way to get the damn stuff boneless either.

  4. 4 hemlock

    dont worry iceman. no woman / crow from bihar / anywhere else in the whole world choose you. i think it has something to do with good taste =P

  5. well thank you for admitting that womankind in general doesn’t have good taste, but you didn’t really have to you know. some things are better left unsaid…

  6. 6 PsycheD

    ufff! the thngs u notice and go on to write master pieces on them! c’est magnifique monsieur! wah!! wah!!

    so what’s gonna be ur next contribution to my mag eh?

  7. 7 skzworldofdreams

    WOW!! Is all I can say here. Wonderful post. You’re an amazing writer Xil. 🙂
    Now that ‘wowed’ phase is over….EXCUSE ME???!!!!!!!!!! You soooo don’t wanna say that ‘womankind’ waali line to my ‘Imanesque’ face… EVER!! Grrr..!!!
    Khair you are right in a way, Xil…womankind in general does not have good taste…womankind has EXTRA-ORDINARY/EXCELLENT taste…which is why they kinda tend to ‘overlook’ guys/men like you. 😉 We’re WAAYYY above you men…you minions!! 😛 *Aur maaro ‘womankind’ waale dialogues! Hmph!* 🙂

  8. 8 skzworldofdreams

    This is def. a masterpiece. 🙂

  9. you go SK.
    xille youve been had. so im not going to add to your misery. for once. not until the roza + lack of caffine start getting to me.

  10. @ sparky: we’ll discuss that as soon as you publish the first one.! 😀

    @ bibi: it’s not just the post. it’s the blog, the blogger… 😎

    @ hemlock: yes i know it’ll take you till at leat then to come up with some witty repartee. elephants, after all, are everything but quick. 😛

  11. First of all I present u fellas with the opinion that palla Machli is much to over rated to be taken seriously. I myself come from a background whr it would be almost blasphemous to disrespect a palla machli by calling it over rated like this, but puleez.

    I think one tends to get so lost in the ‘kanta-nikaalo-experience’ that they cant rem the taste anymore and by the time we r finished we have put so much effort into it we actually forget what it tasted like, assume it to be tasty and voila! Over rated!!

    PS: very well written post Xil! Bravo!

  12. if you were so quick, you wouldve proven it by jumping off a cliff when you were born. the fact that it’s taken you so long and you still havent done it goes to show you how quick you are…compared to the elephant.
    go on xille. prove me wrong. go jump off a cliff. a REALLY high one. =P

  13. so that you can say ‘meray pyar mein pagal ho gaya’? not happening hemlock. 😛

  14. 14 skzworldofdreams

    AANNNDD as usual the ‘minion’ just chose to read the ‘wow’ part of my whole comment. Dar gaya dar gaya. 😛 Nyah nyah nah nah nah nah. 😀
    Oh and I would take the dark shades off…unless you’re about to sing “i just called to say…” Stevie Wonder style. 😉

  15. 15 skzworldofdreams

    Hem: *High five!!* 🙂

  16. tauba hai. matlab farmaishain to dekho… you really really want me to sing that don’t you? no chance bibi. go ask one of your californian girlfriends 😛

  17. oh and cyma, i forgot to say this – you balsphemed on my blog!!!! palla machli is the best rfreshwater fish in the world – with or without the gristle!!

  18. 18 Saadat

    Do you think I’ll be damned if I say that I prefer fish fingers?

  19. most definitely.

  20. 20 Saadat

    Damn!

  21. 21 skzworldofdreams

    HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You WISH frosty…you wish!! 😛 Oh I KNOW you won’t be singing that for moi..not when your Ajab Gul look-alikes are around. 😉 Tsk, tsk. 😛

  22. lab pe aatee hai dua ban ke tamanna meri

    thats as romantic as i can get with you bibi. mera khyal ab dil se nikal lejiye. iman ko yeh sub tamashay pasand nahin hain… 😎 😛

  23. 23 skzworldofdreams

    Aww! How sweet…you’re calling me your dua…aww…but sorry, you’re just not my type! Koi baat nahin, der lagegi, par you’ll get over me…you just have to!! 😀 😛 LOL!! Iman and you?! hahahahaha!! Guess you DO need those dark glasses after all, andhe frosty!! 😀

  24. 24 skzworldofdreams

    AUUURRR!! Ek comment karke gahyab again. YAAY!! That’s Samandare Ghaibana for you. 😛

  25. there you go makin assumptions again. my saying lab pe aati hai dua was not an invitation for a kiss – at least not from a deluded old hag like you. 😛 tsk tsk. you embarass yourself, bibi.

  26. 26 skzworldofdreams

    Oh sure, sure. Turn my words around to suit yourself. 😛 And who was talking of the ‘k’ word? Not moi…hmmm…makes you think, doesn’t it? 😉 You wish, frosty, you wish! 😀 Shame on thee!! 🙂

  27. 27 skzworldofdreams

    O.k. ab aage zara muhazzab aur tameezdaar baatein, please… 🙂

  28. someone shouldve warned me the comments were PG13.
    *shuts eyes and runs away*

  29. well bibi at least all the ghair-muhazzib baatein served a purpose. they scared away hemlock. yay. 😀 🙂

  30. as cute as the whole cuddly-wuddly love-hidden-behind-bitter-words routine is entertaining me, I stand by my opinion on palla.

    And yes, I do prefer fish fingers too. And that deep fried pomfret stuff. And crabs with cheese and served with smoked baby beans. And Prawans in tomato-ey goo-ey tempura sauce over plain boiled rice … also served with smoked beans.

    I think the roza is getting to me at this point.

  31. how any self respecting human can eat beans is beyond me.

  32. I’m wondering too.
    They’ve probably kissed and made up.
    Okay my bad. Sigh, yeh cliches kab mujhye chorein gey?

  33. Saadat..i also love fish fingers…

  34. Xilly..i also eat beans..and still respect myself..i

  35. I was going to add something else…

  36. Hem: EXACTLY what I was thinking, whe he ‘went there’. 🙂
    Cyma: 😦 How COULD you?!! Fish, prawns….listing down (in gr8 detail, might I add!) my fav. food when I’m fasting. *sob* It’s a cruel, cruel world out there, I tell ya! 😦
    Sugs: Me too, sis! Err…fish fingers AND kidney beans.(Xil, you have NO taste! 😛 😀 )

  37. Oh and Cyma & Falsa: Err….???????????!!!!

  38. and they say i have bad taste.

    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

    [dramatic pause]

    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

    damn how do i turn this thing off?

    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha …..

  39. Jitna zyada weight utni bari hansi. 😀 😛
    hahahahahahahahahaha.
    *I’m this thin. 😀 *

  40. 😛 😛 😛 😛

  41. Oh I don’t HAVE to wish. 😉

  42. 43 skzworldofdreams

    O.k. So I knoweth that he hath cometh in between-eth 😛 coz there were 2 comments that he hath deletedeth. 😀 The why’s where-art-thou fores, and exhaled saans. 😀

  43. 44 skzworldofdreams

    “Oh Xille-o, Xille-o, Xille-o
    Where art thou oh Xille-o?” 😀

  44. in the future, all editions of shakespeare’s work will be printed wit the warning: keep out of reach of the mentally challenged.

    you’re lucky you’re so old you’ll be 85 next july and totally senile. you won’t need shakespeare then.

  45. Argh stupid crows. We’ve got them in Dubai too now. Howon Earth did they manage to come here! And why near my house! WHY WHY WHY!

  46. well no one can say for sure, but i’m willing to bet they flew.

    thanks for dropping by 🙂

  47. ‘in the future, all editions of shakespeare’s work will be printed wit the warning: keep out of reach of the mentally challenged.’ Aww…and you’re sad about it, right? Now how will you get your hands on Shakespeare’s works? hmm.. I feel for you, frosty, I really do. 😛

  48. update already buddy. i bored.

  49. 50 skzworldofdreams

    Buddy boy is still watching the crows….. 😀

  50. 51 TeeJay

    So Mr. Abbas I came across your blog and ended up reading all your posts in one go..well my cable net supported me throughout :p initially I was pissed off at my university administration for cancelling the class but now i’m glad it did since I got the chance to read your work. its amazing how many different emotions I felt by reading it…but the only thing I can’t feel now is my tashreef so i’ll leave the rest for laters..

  51. 52 No One

    supp XL…I am wondering about the same thing (in response to your last statement on the post)…quite awkward…as I just finished reading that book…and boy…Khar was portrayed pretty ugly….anyhow….just wanted to wish you Ramadan Mubarak….tahh.

  52. SK and Suga : Thanku!!! [now thts what im talkin’ ’bout! ;)]

    Damn Xill…
    as much as we love to see u cracking up at bean jokes, i think Sk got back at u pretty well with shakespeare comment 😉

    How WILL you get ure hands on Shakespeare then? 😀 😉 😛

  53. Cyma: *High five!!* Is larke ko kawwa kha gaya…Innalilahe.. 😀

  54. @ bibi: nah it’ll be a relief to not have something which you are so obviously fond of. 😛

    @ hemlock: soon, woman. soon.

    @ teejay: thanks. 🙂 you just made my day.

    @ no one: and a merry ramzan to you too! 🙂

    @ cyma: if i recall correctly, despite all the entertainment society crap, neither one of us was ever into old school playwrights anyway. i mean i’d choose tennessee williams over william shakespeare any day of the week. though will.i.am of black eyed peas is my personal favourite 😛

    but just in case they classify genius as a mental disease – and there is no limit to the stupidity of the people at oxford university press; it is, after all, run by a woman – i have a copy of the complete works any way.

  55. 56 skzworldofdreams

    Oohhh there’s that ‘after all run by a woman comment’…you so don’t wanna mess with moi, Xil..moi and hem. 😉

  56. 57 PsycheD

    hahahahahaahaha @ the ha ha ha multiples 😀

  57. *thinks to self*
    “isnt black eyed peas like a band or something?
    with that fergie chick?
    dolce and gabbana,
    fendi and madonna…

    *walks off humming*

  58. 59 skzworldofdreams

    Xil: B.O.R.I.N.G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    *Hmm…should I stop?hmm…* !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

  59. 60 skzworldofdreams

    Did you know: Friends are usually around when their friends need someone to cheer them up? 😦 Just thought I’d mention that…why here?…hmmm…sochne ki baat hai..

  60. i sometimes think that motor-ma benny-zero boo-toe received her elocution lessons from the crows that roost in and around the trees of old clifton. the similarity between their accents and delivery as well as the content of their speeches is uncanny!

  61. oh c’mon! what’ve you got against crows?

  62. 63 Idetrorce

    very interesting, but I don’t agree with you
    Idetrorce

  63. that, of course, is your privelige…

  64. 65 PsycheD

    ahahaahahahahahahahhaahha rofl lmao @ kinkmino’s observation 😀 i second that!!


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