veni, vedi, slappee


while the province braces for another spate of drama, emotion, violence, rage, lies, deceit and corruption – no i’m not talking about a new star plus serial; benazir’s going to larkana – deep in the interior of the mysterious 140,000 square kilometres known as sindh, there is, even as you read this, a bunch of kids playing what they call wanjh watti.

***dramatic pause with some desi ripoff of the fifth symphony in the background***

a convoluted mix of rugby, tag, kabaddi and what can only be called the bitch slap, wanjh watti has its own complex system of rules and to be good at it you have to have the shiftiness of dickens’ artful dodger and the superb slapping ability of a jailhouse dyke. the rules are simple. you basically cross over into enemy territory (which is like their half of the football field) and they try to stop you by slapping you across the face. quite interesting. it is at any rate better than gillee danda, oonch neech and what the pml-q guys refer to as bibi babu da khel. i bet you don’t need an explanation for that one. anyways, any three year old kid will be able to tell you that the people who make most money out of any game are the guys who bring it to your computer screen. thats right. the electronic version. so get prepared for the computer game of the century. move over ea sports, xill-e-ilahi’s wanjh watti superbowl is just about ready for the playstation 3.

i bring this up merely because traffic makes clifton seem as far away from my side of karachi as any goth in tharparkar. and because you never heard of wanjh watti and this makes me sound like i’m getting really involved in sindhi culture and national politics. and because that impresses all of the farangi-types who actually read my blog. you poor, poor people. and also because it is at any rate more interesting than the fact that alicia keys has got a new single out as my real player kindly informs me.

there is also the small matter of being too busy to come online – that and the fact that my friendly telephone company is playing dead – a favourite game for most of the utility companies in pakistan. the game i’d like to play with them though, is wanjh watti. with brass knuckles on. there could be few things more satisfying to watch than bloodied, beaten up pak telecom linemen.

and now that you have profitably utilised one minute and twenty seven seconds of your
useless time, i must take your leave. i would also happily take your money but you’re too cheap to pay up, the whole boiling lot of you. don’t hold your breath till the next post – the last time someone called the telecommunication repair people efficient around these parts was before 1857.

as a future leader of pakistan, i just have to close this with the most ridiculous closing line ever invented in political spin doctoring history. har qadam, khush halee ki janib.

***fade out, with the sound of crazy cackling laughter in the background***


14 Responses to “veni, vedi, slappee”

  1. 1 hemlock

    so like. i see you updated.

  2. Id like to change the rules of the game..and jus line people up…who deserve a good thapaar..and start.

  3. 3 skzworldofdreams

    Sugs: Nah, some dheet men need more than a thappar. But since i’m too nice to even give a thappar myself (though if ‘he’ comes in front, I could test the theory of too nice 😛 ), I’ll just have Xil do the ‘wanjh watti with brass knuckles’ thingy. 😀 *Yukh!! Grossss, Xil!*
    Frosty: You wanna test out your new game….with brass knuckles..LIVE? I have a name and address of a person you could test it out on. 😀
    And to everything else…ROFL!! *The warning of ‘don’t read Xil’s post at work when people are around’ persists. They might wonder about your sudden burst of laughter! 😉 *
    Oh wait….O_O ‘That’s’ an actual game????!!!!! Tauba!

  4. 4 SK

    AND you’re late Mr.!! I won’t tell you for what…you look around and figure it out yourself Mr. cool shades…till then I’ll just stay shocked. 😦 😉

  5. OYEE MAMOOO system requirments tey desooo ….

  6. Sindhi people have really cool games. Male chicken fight. Mud wrestling. God knows what. Maybe if they were projected with all the fanfare, the firangi types would want to hold the trophy murgha instead of wondering about Ronaldo.
    Just a thought.

  7. 7 skzworldofdreams

    Oye!! Veni are you coming back?! Vedi did you go?! Come back and update already or I slappee you. 😀 😛 😀

  8. @ hemlock: your genius at observation is mind-boggling.

    @ suga: firing squad mode? hmmm. its doable but it’d get boring soon enough. a better idea would be to make ’em play musical chairs…. with electric chairs. and the music would be by himesh reshammiya. double torture. what sayest thou? 🙂

    @ omer: jaahil awam! 😛 playstation 3 keh diya na. what else do you need to know? 🙂

    @ falsa: it greatly interets me that you take an interest in mud wrestling. really. ***grins lewdly*** i’d like to watch the girls play some time…

    @ bibi: of course its a real game. polo originated in chitral, evolving from a game which was basically about a bunch of blood drunk horsemen knocking around the severed head of an enemy soldier around a battlefield. we have a rich culture, we pakilanders. you amreekan sundees can eat your hearts out. 😛

  9. theyve arrested my professors from LUMS.

  10. Hem: O_O huh?

  11. Frosty: EWW!!!
    ooohh…sooo envious of your rich culture right about now. 😛 …ummmm…NOT!! 😀

  12. 12 PsycheD

    i wanna play tooooooo!! – but can i use my knees pweeesss???? can i also kick?? can i? can i? huh? huh? 😛

    i got this urge of dhaako-fying the wimax ppl off the roof – heck! my new big full size windows will do just as well. idiots keep upgrading their equipments every month…what the fuck am i supposed to those boxed gizmos and rolls and rolls of wires that’s taking up space in my store room???

  13. @ sparky: well officially you can’t. but maybe if we make an extreme rules, hell in a cell, wwe type match we could get you a sledgehammer to do the dirty work. how’s that sound?

  1. 1 veni, vedi, slappee | Tea Break

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