meri muthee mein bandh hai kya?


nahin nahin. not naz pan masala. that would be too bloody obvious. and i was never the naz type anyway. shahi deluxe was more my style until i decided to singlehandedly make the guy who owns wrigley’s a multibillionaire. plus why anyone would want to eat something like sonf after coating in it the thing they use to coat the brufen 400 tablets they gave you when you had killer headaches is way beyond me. unless of course that too is an israeli conspiracy like that polio drops thing to spread infertility among the women of the region. of course it won’t work because as hazrat allama iqbal rehmatullah alih said, zara nam ho to yeh mittee baree zarkhaiz hai saqi… you have to admire his farsightedness though,  i mean just twenty years after modern day pakistan’s most quoted poet, habib jalib famously referred to his compatriots as dus crore gadhay, 160 million has become a conservative estimate of the national population figures. truly, zara nam ho to yeh mittee baree zarkhaiz hai saqi. assuming, you’ve been reading this thus far, and assuming you’re not blessed with the intellect of einstein – face it, if you’re a regular visitor, both assumptions hold true – you’re probably wondering where i’m going with this train of thought, poetry, pop culture or simply pakistan.

fact is, i haven’t decided yet. so while i go ahead and decide ponder over the words of anwar masood which i suppose are often the subject of debate during the late night deliberations between the sharifs and chaudhry nisar ali kahn and ishaq dar and the other idiots who willingly associate themselves with a party that proudly carries the moniker of “nawaz group”:

bunyan lainay jaanday ho
bunyan le ke aunday ho
paanday oh tay paindee nahin
pai jaye tay laindee nahin
lai jay tay doojee waree pan jogee reahndi nahin
bunyan mein dayaanga
pao gay to pay jaye, lao gaye to lay jaye, lay jaye tay dojee waree pan jogee reh jaye
bunyan meree waddiya, bunyan meri
top dee
waddiyan noo pooree aaway nikkayan day naap dee
cheez huway asli tay moonhon pey hee boldee
top naalon goree lagay rassee otay dol dee
jinnay waray chaho tusee ais noo haundalo
phir pawaein bachayan noo jhangian banalo

yep. the guy who offered that probably assured himself of the textiles ministry or something given the way these dudes seem to operate.

but politics and poetry don’t mix unless its faiz doing the poetry and not-yet-disillusioned-but-think-they-are teens doing the politics. i would’ve mentioned jalib again but i never really thought of him as a poet (or a politician for that matter) – just another spin doctor who got popular because he said the right thing at the right time. before you black coat lovers crucify me please tell me how a guy who said shehar mein hoo ka alam tha, jin tha ya referendum tha and repeated it twice as if he was saying something as beautifully crafted as a meer-ian couplet can truly be called a poet. if you said yes, you are no longer welcome on this blog. please go drown in egg yolk.

but i’m no expert on poetry myself so i’ll keep away from the topic unless of course we’re discussing the collected works of chirkeen or imam deen, both of whom, admittedly, are more my style than ghalib or meer.

of course (yes i say that a lot, thank you for pointing it out) the news is dreary and boring. the incredibly irrational way the media has decided to bash whatever is going on without in true godfatherly wisdom measuring long term losses against short term gains is proabably as pathetic as government sponsored propoganda a`la khabarnama style where the current head of state is nothing less than god’s representative on earth and as such must be sanctified and canonised and worshipped and so on so forth ad nauseum. but the fact of the matter is that there was one amazing thing about the khabarnama that the free media never really adopted and that was their ridiculous choice of sponsors. the khabarnama was never complete without some sort of mention of sona ublaye gee zameen jub dalay ga sona urea or the irritatingly catch tune of ciba-geigy ki politan-C. and who can forget tapal tezdam chai lagay tha ker kay, chha jo mazo ruby dust jo mazo and the classic laado ke lashkaray jug mug kapray saaray. but there was nothing more ironically pakistani than royals filter, janbaazon ka intikhab and k2 ka pakistan (for some inexplicable reason there was a bunch of sheedis dancing on k2 in the ad) being followed by my favourite ad of all time – wasim bhai aap thaktay nahin?

i found the ad on you tube. is it just me or does the guy who asks the question really look like a young whatshisname hashmi, faiz ahmed faiz’s grandson better known as loosy of teen bata teen fame?

doesnt the ad remind you of that shehzad roy song only sabizak and me seem to remember, active raho gay to tumhein skating bhi aye gee active raho gay to tumhein acting bhi aye gee… i’d say more about the song but then i have a cousin who debuted with fakhrealam singing goree zara hil ke dekhana.

boy oh boy, did jalib amake an understatement or did he make an understatement. gadhay it is. gadhay we are.


20 Responses to “meri muthee mein bandh hai kya?”

  1. Hahaha! Hilarious!

    The “mein cigarette nahin peeta” line does have its uses though. I have had my share of motherly slaps after saying it while explaining why I hadn’t greeted a certain someone I should have greeted, or why I hadn’t bothered eating a moti chor ka laddo.

    And yes, that’s Whatshisname Hashmi — I didn’t remember him being in that ad.

  2. irony chk kero. guess what i brought back from lahore.
    slims 😀
    i also have naz pan masala, and gogo pan masala. dont ask.
    the arbis think im crazy. 😀

  3. 3 No One

    LOL! I loved this ad…especially those two lozers in the ad are the best…thanx for sharing…I know this comment is totally not relevant to your post!! peace…take care.

  4. 4 UTP

    oh yes that is adeel hashmi…you are right…wow…!!!

  5. 5 cyma

    ure makng wrigleys rich???? and I thought I was crazy buyin enuff stock of strawberry extra to last the salvation army an entire year; u know, just in case they ran out of extra in pakistan. u can never have enuff extra I say…

    what fakhr e alam song r u talkin about? I mean I myself used to be a fan of the mcc at a certain (although bleak) point in time.. and did u know I personally know nadeem jafri cuz of a geo show I used to work on with him :p hez cute as long as he dosent get cute with u; but I think I told him I was a big fan of his when I was a kid… and the chap had the decency to look all respectful

    anyway………. where did u come up with tht punjabi sonnet on underwear :p lol
    belongs rite in line and just next to “politan c” and “lado ke lashkaare”!


  6. 6 cyma

    @ hemlock

    sliiiiiiiiiimsssssssss…. I’m in lahore n I can’t find any slims, where r they??? have I missed some storeeeeeeee

  7. cyma… sorry i didnt see your comment before. (hope it’s not too late)

    you can pick up a tonne at Al Fatah Super Store in liberty market, or you could go to LUMS khokha…
    that’s where i get my stash from 🙂

  8. 8 s

    oh my god, you just brought back so many suppressed memories! i actually do remember that shahzad roy song. unfortunately.

    and now i’m going to have to work very hard to get the ‘meri muthee mein band’ out of my head.

    i actually heard that habib jalib poem very recently because i came across a video on youtube or fb (i think it’s a group called laal and a guy called shahram – great voice). i loved that line about dus crore gadhay cause it is extremely apt. plus, it’s just about the only line i understood!

  9. 9 cymarizwankhan

    thank youuuuuuuu

  10. 10 skzworldofdreams

    lol! I remember those 2 ads; the laado ke lashkarey and K2. 😀 I always wondered what that dancing was about. 😛 Ooh and that pankhe wala add…’Naam hi kaafi hai’ loL! lol!
    ‘shehar mein hoo ka alam tha, jin tha ya referendum tha’ O_O That’s for real? *rolling eyes* We get some of those err…shair’ …here in Milads and all too…half of the audience goes ‘wah wah’ and I’m like you soooo didn’t get it people..wah wah??!! 😛

  11. lolssss brought bck so many memories…..

    eeerrr i love Naz pan masala

  12. 12 cyma

    I just got myself a bag of slims from al-fatah… :p hemlock…. muah!

    and yeah I alwez loved naaz but then abby ahem.. xil introduced shahi deluxe and the whole batch was hooked onto those for a while… :p

    not tht anywun asked ofcourse 😉

  13. 13 mubi

    new to ur blog. lol luved your post 😀
    and hey though its not your poem but still i wanted to ask and use it for my blog 😛
    acknowledging you of course, coz i didnt remember it until i came across it here
    oh i m talking about anwer masood’s poem.

    loved the part where you have talked about old pakistani ads. but you missed that dentonic ad where this bald cartoon character talks out of a billboard..remember that?

  14. 14 cyma

    yes new guy. we rem it. infact I think my last 2 therapy sessions were about how a talking-no irritatingly sqwaking- monkey caricature could affect my rationality for years to come. oh wait, we r pakistanis, we don’t have therapy sessions! must be my caffiene overdose talking…

  15. 15 cyma

    xil plz write! somethin… anything man w r starved out here

  16. 16 saba

    hey what was the add for gogo pan masal does any1 rememebr??? i knw naz is mei muthi mei band hai kya ? bata do na …naz paan masala aaz paan masala…. but wht the heck was gogo pan masala??? this is bothering me now

  17. umm.. Adeel Hashmi?

    as for “Mey Ciggerette Nahi Pita”, it reminds me some funny skit aired on TV,”Mey Khalii Cigarette Nahi pita”(yani BHARI HUWI pita houn) 🙂

  18. 18 Malang Party

    I also remember Active raho gay…. but can’t find it on the internet, the Fakhr-e-Alam song you’re talking about is Gori zara Hasn ki dikha… not hil kay dikha .. lol

  1. 1 meri muthee mein bandh hai kya? | Tea Break
  2. 2 meri muthee mein bandh hai kya? | Tea Break

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