a bulldozer called caterpillar

27May09

when i was still in school i had a crush on this girl in my class who was pretty well sorted in the looks department. unfortunately, she had a disturbing preference for the rugged bad boy type with a rolled up rizzla in one hand and a gunshot wound on the other which left granny-glasses me pretty much out of it, my rather expensive bouquet of red roses on valentine’s day notwithstanding. she ended up witha  rather ridiculous wannabe ruffian with the even more ridculously wannabe sobriquet of kashif t.t. – t.t. of course being the necessary addition to every goonda‘s name in karachi after it was popularised by the mqm activists of the nineties (most of whom are now dead). there were others too (mqm activists i mean, not her boyfriends – though there were some of those too but not in this context) with names like commando, langra, kalia, dada and tiger but for some reason none really captured the public imagination like “t.t.” did. i shudder to think what would have transpired if i’d been more serious about the lady under advisement. i mean i can picture myself with a wilder hairdo. maybe even a leather jacket in a karachi summer. but going around town and introducing myself as abbas champion or something along those lines would not be exactly my cup of tea.

i bring this up because i’m thinking of launching a teeshirt range with vivid pakiland style rickshaw names emblazoned on the back.

(not that that has any relevance to the thug element in karachi but one likes to jump from one subject to another without the formality of rational thread. after all, if one can’t expound gibberish on one’s own blog, where can one? not everyone is an elected representative.)

so where were we? yes,  the teeshirts. teeshirts with rickshaw names. however, there is a slight problem.  i’m suffering from a decrease in temperature of the feet about the whole affair. consider. you walk along a crowded arab boulevard – ok lets get real, a souk, there are no boulevards in arabistan – wearing a black teeshirt with a blue triangle on the back which reads in large garish urdu script something like “aakhri grenade”. on the one hand it might look pretty cool. on the other you might look like an absolute idiot. so i’m not proceeding with this venture until i can get at least four other people to join me in an excursion to poondi paradise (otherwise known as mall of the emirates) clad in a manner similar to the one described above. you can have your pick of names, though. i recommend dollar ki talaash, tehelka and aafat. if you’re a girl you can have main kinoo kinoo dasaan mein kithay challi aan?. or anything else. let me know if you’re in.

__________________

in case you aren’t already enlightened, i recommend you put a ceiling on your daily sugar intake. a slush is lush, but three berry cocktails in two hours is pushing it. my brain will explode in about 23 minutes and i will expire, regretted by all.

also i will meet my maker with a purple tongue.

ay daavar-e-mahshar mera naama-e-aamaal na dekh
is mein kuch parda nasheenon ke bhi naam aatay hain

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21 Responses to “a bulldozer called caterpillar”

  1. i’m up for the ‘main kinnu kinnu dasan main kithay challi aan’
    or ‘pass ker ya bardasht ker’
    or how about ‘raseeli supaaree’? (i couldnt resist this one)

    waisay, your MQM name shouldve been abbas teeli, or abbas taili, or…
    wait for it…

    ABBAS COBRA!

  2. 2 Saira

    😀

  3. i have a rickshaw tee with ‘dekh magar pyar se’ on it, chalay ga?!

    you could always wear a mufler in the heat, and do weird hand movements and look like you’re lost in deep thought. The chicks that dont fall for the badass boys fall for the psychos, i bet you could pull that off 😀

  4. 4 Saeed

    see?this is exactly why I miss being around my pakistani frenz.I have no one to tell me about the ‘main kinnu kinnu dasan main kithay challi aan’.

    lol @ ‘pass ker ya bardasht ker’.I so want(ed) to go to Lahore.& no, not just for the rickshaws.Armaan hi reh jayega.

  5. 5 Owl

    If this is what slush produces, then I’ll have what he’s having.

    I’m trying to remember if my Karachi cousins ever gave me a badmaash nickname…. only one I can remember is kaddu…. which isn’t particularly awe inspiring. What would be on my t-shirt?

  6. owl: how about ‘rocket’ ? you could so be a rocket 😀 and a rocket is a weapon, and also those small buses that run up and down mountains up north.

    saeed: vat, youve never been to lahore? tsk tsk…

  7. 7 Saeed

    Hemlock – no 😦 I’ve been to khi, but that was waaaaayyy bak (when I was 2 & it doesn’t count).I still want to cum over (hopefully, sumday, Insha Allah).But I’m not so sure abt Lhr anymore – too much water under the bridge.

    & Abbbas – I’m ready to wear one of those t-shirts myself, what do’u reckon it should say..?(& b kind to me, ya’all?)

  8. 8 cyma

    i too remember the days of being into bad boys.. but it was never the desi bad boYS though.. more like the tongue piercing tattoo wielding kind..

  9. 9 meow

    LoL! Sounds awesome.
    I want. Why just MOE? I’d wear it everywhere.

    Hem, you are responsible to get me one of these.

  10. meow, i have a bunch at home. you can also order them online. ill mail you the links.
    (ive hijacked abbas’s post again. shit)

  11. @ hemlock: raseeli supari for you is just about perfect. but do you mean to say this thing has already been done? dang. what a waste of an idea. i think i’ll do movie posters instead. international gorrilay for me and haseena atim bum for you? or would you prefer wahshi haseena?

    @ farooqk: dude, you’ve been thugged. that’s a truck/bus thingy not a rickshaw thingy. 🙂

    @ saeed: there’s this punjabi saying attributed by different sources to both bulleh shah and sultan rahi which goes “ji nay lahore nahin vekhiya, wo jameya hee nahin”. while we may never find out who was quoting whom, all pakistanis believe it as a basic tenet of faith. and if lahore’s that great, just think how much cooler karachi’s gotta be…. 🙂

    @ owl: for you i have two; draikoola or klashin patti. take your pick.

    @ cyma: trust me, i know EXACTLY what kind of guy you were into…. 😛

    @ meow: MOE is the test market. if it succeeds there, we go global.

  12. wehshi haseena atum bum please.
    husan di khashinkofe
    dubai dhamaka
    ??

  13. 13 Mystic

    Even if its already been done, I’m still up for it and wouldn’t mind the poster either!

    I could be on it with the Terminator look and the title “Billoo Badshah”! 😀

  14. 14 Owl

    You forget I am a firang – what is klashin patti?

  15. @ mystic: i meant teeshirts with the movie posters on ’em. biloo badshah sounds perfect for you 🙂

    @ owl: firang-an not firang. a klashin patti is a firecracker which sounds like an ak-47 going off – klashin, of course, being karachi-ese for kalashnikov.

  16. 16 Saeed

    hey, I want one too! (I wouldn’t wanna be left out now, would I?!).

  17. @ saeed: how does forun return sound to you?

  18. 18 Mystic

    well so i’ll wear a t-shirt with my own billoo badshah poster on it..obviously mera poster koi aur toh pehne ga nahin 😦

  19. 19 Owl

    So I’m a fire-cracker gun? Chalaiga. Better then being a draikoola. I am not THAT pasty. 😛

  20. 20 Cyma

    @xil: oh man! U stil rem that! Damn… Need a place to hide! Lol. Kindly keep that information to yourself though.. :p

  21. Abbas,

    Every once in a while people have come up with Rickshaw slogan T shirts. I have the honour of wearing one especially made for me which said, “Tabahkun jatti.” That, to this date, is the coolest piece of clothing I own.


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