we all live in a pakola submarine


she isn’t the first crush you ever had. no, definitely not. at that time and in that place a smile without braces or actually, a smile, period, is enough for you to get a crush on someone. but she’s special. not just because she doesn’t wear braces but because that smile is simply the most gorgeous smile ever flashed on human eyes and rodin himself couldn’t have sculpted her better. and even though the fact that she thinks its very sweet of you to feel like that about someone four years older than you and that you should’ve told her before it was her last day at school and the fact that that peck on the cheek is not just the only physical contact you will ever have with her but the last contact of any kind for at least the next 17 years should cumulatively have pushed you down into the depths of anguish adolescents visit every day – you get lost in the heady daze of having been somewhere, someplace magical and its a feeling you will never ever experience again. that part of your face, where that strawberry lip gloss grazed, will feel different for weeks. you do everything you can to preserve it from the damages of soap and water, grime and dirt, anything and everything so as to not jinx the magic that was left behind.

you are almost thirteen years old.

and then, a couple of weeks later, you see mahnoor baloch in a tv commercial.

you don’t shave. or you do. you wear  a green tie. or you don’t. you tie strings at shrines, you supplicate to god, you swear you’ll empty your wallet at the next donation box, you give lifts to people and ask them to do the praying worried that your ledger of sins might render your own prayers ineligible for approval. you think, you strategize, you analyse, you agonize. you go through mood swings previously only thought possible in heavily pregnant women. you abandon all pretenses at sanity and objectivity, you go insane. you dance, you scream, you shout, you jump. you feel your pulse racing so fast you have to walk out and take deep breaths. you feel hurt, you feel relieved. you feel victorious, you feel defeated. you live every freaking second of that world cup with your team. you are afridi, you are shoaib, you are even bloody kamran akmal.

you are almost thirty years old.

but this time, not in a couple of weeks nor a couple of decades, will a mahnoor baloch commercial do anything to take that away from you.

i’ve been watching cricket and cheering on the boys in green for more than twenty five years now. and it never gets old. it thrills, it disappoints. it is the most awesome rollercoaster in the universe and i’m proud to have been on it.

you did it right, boys. i wouldn’t have had it any other way.


scratch that. next time, finish it. win the goddamn thing.


in the meantime, if you’re looking for me, i  am now using the pseudonym of unnikrishnan shivaramchandran and accepting baklawas and gulab jamun from various people while shouting “indiaaaaaaa, indYEAH”. i love baklawas. and gulab jamun.


10 Responses to “we all live in a pakola submarine”

  1. 1 hemlock

    “if you’re looking for me, i am now using the pseudonym of unnikrishnan shivaramchandran and accepting baklawas and gulab jamun from various people while shouting “indiaaaaaaa, indYEAH”. ”

    and that’s why i refuse to marry you. repeatedly.

  2. when did i last ask you to?

  3. 3 hemlock

    i dont remember. it’s not like i was writing down dates in “dear diary”.
    you did though, ask me to take you out to a movie and spend money on you two days ago as per your post on facebook.
    there are witnesses.

  4. so, like, in the five waters, does that amount to a proposal for marriage? sheesh. no wonder they say your girls are easy….

  5. 5 hemlock

    hah. our girls are “easy” and yet you still dont get the one.

    that just makes you… sad.

  6. 🙂 nicely written!

  7. 7 Owl

    I liked the title of the post. The rest, I did not get. My insufficient Pakistaniosity is to blame I suspect.

  8. 8 kona berwalla

    nice one abbas.

    there’s something about this match that has captured the imagination of the lot of us. might be too much to say but there’s that quiet humility that only comes from hitting hard and still loosing out.

  9. 9 Mystic

    sold for a few baklawas and gulab jamuns? thats jst sad man! 😛

  10. shahid afridi looking handsome na 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: